A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i just need some advice. i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and were both young. hes a senior and im in college. his ex girlfriend has been spreading nonsense about him around his school making it hard for him to make any friends. so i stepped in (i regret) and i basically stopped it all and had them on good terms. in the beginning i told him it was so they could be on good terms and only be casual acquaintances. two days ago i was unable to talk with him on his way home so he said to me "if you dont talk to me im just gonna walk with Jenny(fake name for his ex girlfriend)" so i replied to him "i dont like that" in a calm voice and told him a bit irritated sounding to do what he wants but i trusted he wouldnt walk with her and he did but he also stayed at her house for an hour talking with her. i was upset and angry because i told him in advance how i felt and in the beginning that i wouldnt like that stuff. i broke up with him because he did not consider my feelings and i felt he disrespected me. so the first person he told was jenny, that we broke up. so that made me even more mad that he went to her of all people, even though i know he didnt have anyone else to go to because he doesnt have alot of friends because of her. so the next day, yesterday, he said i was being controlling because i tell him who to and not to talk to, and thats not true at all. i dont like him talking for a long time with her and hanging out with her, only her. but in the end it resolved itself and we were fine and he promised me he would not talk to her. but while he was in the shower he got a phone call from his dad and a text from his step dad, but its below his step dads message i found alot of text messages between jenny and him, and he told her i said i dont want him talking to her earlier that day and that event though i wont let them they would talk sometimes. i was pissed and as he came in the room i blew up because it was so obvious jenny likes him now and hes constantly texting her to walk with him and hang out with him at school. i feel stupid. he flipped the script and got mad at me for going through his phone but when at the same time he does it to me. so we argued and he broke up with me, but for some stupid reason i asked him to stay. so were together but something doesnt feel right, i feel like im having a hard time to trust him. Also in the first year he lied to me on several accounts about still liking her. a year later he admitted to completely being over her. i dont know what to do, she wont stop texting him and she myspaced him and god knows if shes approaching him at school. what should i do?
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (17 September 2009):
 Stop bugging him about the contact. You set it up.
She spread nonsense about him in school because she still liked him, was angry and hurt. He doesn't have any other friends. Why he would agree to be her friend, I don't know, but it appears he is desperate.
High school can be VERY lonely if no one will talk to you. When you try to take his only friend from him it will only make him resent you and drive him to her.
If you are secure in the relationship, you won't care who he speaks to.
Besides, if he cuts off all contact because you told him to, that may inspire her to be mean-spirited again. he may be trying to avoid that.
It is possible that you could help him to make new friends. That may mean encouraging him to join a team or club. Having friends (even if they are outside of school) may reduce his dependence on her, but in the meantime, by escalating this issue out of fear of losing him to her, you may only succeed at driving him away.
And neither of you should be looking at each other's phones. That is an invasion of privacy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): First off, everybody knows how it feels to be jealous. I think that "jenny" girl is jealous of you and you of her. Do you really love this boy, can you see yourselves having a future together?? If so i personally would fight with everthing i had no matter what he did if my feelings were that strong for him.Or if it bothers you that much, do whats best for you, leave like you did, or try to resolve it. There are much bigger problems you could be facing-like cheating. It kinda sounds like maybe hes not over the other girl but has feelings for you too. I've been in alot of bad situations and not saying do this, but i love my boyfriend so much i would let him go just to know that hes happy, even if hes with another girl, and i know how much that hurts. If you do stay together i would also reccomeend looking up communication skills on the internet among other things. If you can earn his trust back that would be good too. hope i helped, ive never wrote on here before
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