Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2018): It's an easy fix, OP. I think it's time you started using dating apps too! See how he likes it? I am a big believer in fire with fire. And don't use this as a means of shocking him into submission because he will never change. Just show him that you are worthy and good enough to attract other men. He will soon see what he has lost. Some guys need to be taught a lesson.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (6 September 2018):
 By your ‘softness’ changing, do you mean you’re going to tell him off for being on the sites?
You’ve caught him multiple times, he’s never going to stop. Whatever you say or do (besides breaking up with him) will not change his mentality. Every day you stay with him is a day wasted that could be spent with someone who respects you. Being single is better than having a partner who thinks you’re sex on tap whilst he browses for a better option.
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female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (6 September 2018):
 How can you love someone who is constantly lying to you, and is on the lookout for your replacement? There isn't any love or respect in this relationship. You'll never receive love and respect if you don't believe you deserve it. And I don't think you do at the moment. Cut yourself free from this relationship, you're wasting your life. Expect the best from life and you will it.
Take care xx
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2018):
 It is as clear as day that he has no respect for you. The moment you found this out you should have ended it. Yes you may love him, but he certainly doesn't love you, he is keeping his options open. You are allowing him to do this because you remain with him and keep your head buried in the sand. You shouldn't allow any man to treat you like this. I know it is probably not what you want to hear but he is not going to change, he more than likely has cheated on you, and the only way out off this for you is to end things.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): Thank you everyone. I know Ive been far to soft with him and its about to change.
To the anonymous female - yes he has profiles saying he is single. Some show his picture and some dont. I have found out several times through his own clumsiness, and once a friend of mine saw his photo. I really dont know why you think he would be on several dating apps for the last two or so years checking to see if I was on them. Especially as I have never ever been on one.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): He goes on those apps because he is hoping to meet someone. That is what they are for.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): Maybe if u don’t want to dump him u could try sitting down with him and having a serious talk and if he isn’t going to stop..... maybe it might best to separate for a bit.
But if he is willing to stop, tell him he needs to delete the apps and make him do it in front of u..... you could even make an deal that u are aloud to check his phone when ever u want.
A healthy relationship should not have secrets so if he is willing to stop and let u check his phone........ I think u should give him a chance.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 September 2018):
You love someone who repeatedly lies to your face and then tells you that you’re imagining things?
What a great catch, I see why you don’t want to break up with him.
Grow a backbone and dump the waste of space. What person who is in a happy, committed, serious relationship uses dating sites for ‘a laugh’? Are you living in dream land? He’s waiting until the right person comes along that he will be able to jump into bed with.
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female
reader, deirdre +, writes (5 September 2018):
He's a liar and a cheat. Sorry but it's true. My ex used to give the same pathetic excuse. If he refuses to be faithful when you are in a relationship then how will he be if you marry?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): When he uses dating apps does he have a profile with photos on and what does his profile say.how did you find out he's on dating apps. Could he be checking to see if your on it?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 September 2018):
 What is it exactly that you love about him?
That he is gas-lighting you? Lying to you? Being a total twat-waffle?
He might be able to stop, he CHOOSES not to.
And you know what that means, right?
IT means he is STILL looking. You are not "the one" for him.
Do you like who you have become? The suspicious and distrustful person? Is that how you see yourself? How you see your life? With you having to monitor your BF like a parent watches their kids, so they know they behave? You are not his mother. You shouldn't HAVE to monitor his behavior. A DECENT person knows that going on dating-sites (even for shits and giggles) while in a relationship is just NOT OK.
I would tell him good luck, end it and block all communications.
And OP?..... You can love someone who is not a good match.
I think you should stop selling yourself so short.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): My ex wouldn’t delete it and it turned out the minute we’d fight and I go to my mothers, some internet slut was in my house. Be careful and do t settle
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): You can't do anything. You keep catching him repeatedly lying and he knows he will suffer no consequences. Einsteins's definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Arguments aren't going to make him change his behavior or solve this problem. If he's looking at dating apps he's planning on cheating (if he hasn't already done so). Is this really the relationship you want or you think you deserve? It's not acceptable to you and he obviously has not intentions of quitting. Is this the future you see for yourself? Stop the fruitless arguments and walk away.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2018): Well it's clear he is NOT going to stop . He will just get better at hiding it . You simply need to decide if this is the sort of relationship you want or not . A relationship with a man who WILl be using dating apps begins your back . Because that is who he is and he's proven it time and time again . Really the fact you day you love him shouldn't come into it , it certainly doesn't seem to be coming into his decision to meet other women , and yes that's exactly what's he's doing . Don't be fooled . Find somebody to love who doesn't use dating apps behind your back . Why are you settling for this
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