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female
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*ittykat123
writes: Am I being paranoid?I'll try and keep this one as short as possible, but basically you handbaggers give good advice, so thought I'd see whether you guys thought I was being paranoid or possessive.I'll quickly tell you the background. Basically the boyf. is really into his snowboarding big time. I go once a year, but he likes to go up to 3x a year. He usually puts an ad in a snowboard forum asking others to go with him. Well, one year this girl agreed to go with him and they struck up a friendship. I didn't think anything of it the first year, but then she went again with him this year to America snowboarding. Wasn't happy at all about the American trip as I've never been and was one of those places that we'd agree to do together. So majorly peeved off anyway. They went over Valentines and I never received a message on Valentines day, not even a phone call for the entire week that they were there. Anyway, when they got back to England, I got a text from the boyf. to say that he was really tired and was going to stay the night in London. Instinctively I knew he was going to spend the night with her in her flat. I was fuming. I tried ringing him all afternoon and night on his mobile, but no answer whatsoever from him. The next day, I was really upset, tried ringing and texting, but nothing. It wasn't until 5pm the following day that I got a message to say that he'd just woken up! They'd landed at 2pm the previous day. As you can imagine, by now was well and truly hurt, upset and angry and didn't know whether they'd spent the night together. His mum seemed to think that he'd cheated.Anyway, when he got back, we had big words. I told him that you don't do things like that - spending the night at some girls flat, especially when he knew what I think of her.I've never met this girl, but that's cos I'm not actually allowed to. Anyway, this weekend he told me that his mate had got a free ticket to the London motor show. He went up there. I've now discovered that she went too. He told me that he spent the night at this guy's house, but I'm not so sure. You see his printer isn't working and I know for a fact that he doesn't know his way around London, let alone where this guy lives, but he does know what she lives.... He promised me that we'd spend today together, but he didn't get back until gone 6pm. I've since discovered that he spent the day with her in London .... I've had a massive row with him about this and he told me nothing happened, but I just don't know what to believe. I just feel sick, betrayed and upset.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Mr S  +, writes (25 July 2006):
 Hi Mr S here
I would say you have big problems with your relationship that needs sorting. The first problem is trusts, or rather the lack of it. Yes your boyfriend is going away with another woman on a sporting holiday (this is a little insensitive to say the least and from an older mans point of view playing with fire) but as far as I can tell he hasn’t lied about this. He could have said to you he was going with a mate and you would have accepted that, but because it’s another woman you are getting allsorts of horrid ideas into your head.
Don’t get me wrong I would say that your feelings are understandable under the circumstances. I would suggest that you have a conversation about what is upsetting you and why? But try not to argue. Full blown rows accomplish nothing in the long term.
Decide wither or not you believe him, you should be able to tell. Stick to facts, try not to elaborate using the scorned woman thinking or 2+2 may make 8 and the third world war may brake out for no reason. Look for compromise that you can both be happy with.
I have never cheated on my partner, I am an older man in my late 40s and I can honestly say when I was young, and stupidly thoughtless I have carried out equally idiotic and thoughtless actions as your boyfriend.
A good idea would be for you to take an interest in his hobby and even accompany him when you can.
Warning if you continue to interrogate him over his trips he may start to lie to you. Not because he has things to hide, but just to try and keep the peace, if this happens and you find out your relationship may never recover. Talk it through now, with love and an open heart find the truth and act on it. Be prepared for the worst and the best news and then decide your actions.
Remember base any decision on fact not fiction.
All the best
“To your self be true”
Mr S
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