A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone. I'm in need of your help again. My partner and I split up in February this year after 4 years together. We didn't live together but I have a son from a previous marriage and he has 2 sons too. Mine is 12 and his are 14 and 17.The split was my decision but since then he texted me loads of times wanting to try and sort things out between us. For me, things hadn't been good since about September last year - I felt we had totally drifted apart and were going in different directions in life. We got together quite soon after my marriage ended as he was a mutual friend.Anyay, he kept texting me and we met up a few times just to iron out our feelings and to see where we went wrong. I somehow didn't feel that physical attraction anymore - he just seemed like a really good mate.He has it crystal clear that he thinks the world of me and wanted to make our relationship work and try again. I thought long and hard and decided to give it a try. That was a few weeks ago. Now though, I'm just not sure it was the right decision. I still can't get past thinking of him just as a friend. He keeps saying he loves me but I can't say it back. Then I think of the longer term future. He has brought his sons up different to me. My son knows the value of things and I work in a pub one evening a week and see kids aged 16/17 doing a few hours work yet his eldest is at college and never worked at all and doesn't seem interested in working to earn a bit of cash for himself. I somehow question where our future would head. I can never see myself with us all living together. There seems to be so many differences in our outlook on life. I'm not sure I can see myself with him for the rest of my life. I'm nearly 39, he's 46 and not sure if that has anything to do with it. He really is a nice guy and we can chat about everything and I know he would never hurt me but I just feel somehow that I'm settling for something that is ok but not great. Am I being selfish? Please help if you can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response to anonysmous who replied to my post. How long were you together for if you don't mind me asking? For me, we seem to have so many good points but there are just these uncertainties. I was getting on with things fine while we were apart. I know I wasn't looking for anyone else, I was just getting on with my life. There just seems to be so many differences in our outlooks on life and values that I could never see us moving any further forward. I know that if he asked me to move in together that I couldn't do it and after 4 years that could have been the next step. I too have felt that apart from going out at weekends there is little else. It's so difficult...
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Oh boy can I relate to this! I had what on the surface looked like a great relationship but I could never see us moving in together or really doing anything other than seeing each other at weekends. I took the bull by the horns and ended it.If you ask did I do the right thing? Right now I dont know, it hurts more than I thought but then being in limbo didn't feel to great either.My view is I could stay with my ok-guy and never really feel like I was living or I could let him go. I let him go, I know once the hurt goes (its a very recent break up as in a few weeks ago) I then have the chance to find someone I can truly love and not just settle for 2nd best which to be honest isnt fair on myself or him.Whatever you decide, good luck.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (17 September 2007):
I've known many kids who did not work while going to school and many of them turn out to be very successful. Likewise, I also know many kids who worked while at school, myself included, and many of them turn out to be very successful. Sometimes I've thought that I could have done better in school if I hadn't of had to work. But I also remember kids who neither worked nor studied and flunked out. Bottom line I think teaching kids to have goals and work to achieve them is more important.
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