A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was introduced to a guy about 6 weeks ago by mutual friends who said he'd been asking them to set us up. From what I know of him I really like him. We have been out a couple of times and we also go to the same church. I thought we were having a good time when we went out, easy conversation, lots of laughing, he always drives me home and hugs me goodnight, and he always comes up to chat after church and is really attentive etc, but then he can go a week without any contact, not even a reply if I text him to say 'hi, how's things?'. Other times he pops up every night on msn and chats for nearly an hour. But he never seems to make any real plans which is frustrating. For example he has just bought a new car and said he would have to take me for a spin when he picks it up. I said 'great, I'd love to' but when I asked when he would get it he said he wasn't sure, sometime in the next couple of weeks and changed the subject.So, on friday night I was on msn and we were chatting but I had to go because I was meeting friends for dinner and he asked if he would see me at church on sunday morning. I said I had othe plans all day sunday but would be back in the evening and would be watching a show I know he likes if he wanted to come over? He replied 'Lol, I might just do that'. Well guess what, it's now after 11pm and I've heard nothing from him at all. His friends tell me he likes me, he's just busy. I feel like if he really can't make the effort to at least pretend something came up then he's not worth it. Even though I'm disappointed, if he's not interested then I'm not going to wait around.But, what if I see him at church on sunday, or he contacts me on msn again? Do I tell him I'm annoyed or do I act like everything's fine? I want something to happen with him but I also know he needs to up his game if he's going to be worth my time.
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female
reader, dazey  +, writes (14 December 2009):
Why don't you try and make a proper arrangement, after all his reply to your invite was " I MIGHT just do that" not a definite isit?
What I would say is "oh, I thought you might come over the other night to watch (whatever it was)".... see what he says, but don't pressure him, then, if i felt there was the opening I'd say "you know, I'd really like to spend some time with you and get to know you a bit better, would you like to (insert activity you enjoy) at SPECIFIC DATE AND TIME.
Once you have made a definite plan, see if he sticks to it (unless he has genuine excuses for not meeting up), then judge the situation. If you like him, don't try to be too demanding too quick or rush things along. His idea of a natural course might be slower than yours, so try to enjoy the suspense, the pursuit and the wooing. If he turns out to be the one it will be worth it.
good luck- let us know how it goes.
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