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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I am worried because twice this week my b/f has lost his erection in the middle of intercourse!The first time, he said was because well, we're young and horny, so it was like the 3rd or 4th time straight that we had done it in a couple of hours. So he said it was normal, because we had been having a lot of sex in a short period.However, today he lost his erection too, but it was the first intercourse. I had given him oral sex before, and he had a major orgasm from that, he was very turned on. However, later we had intercourse and halfway through it he lost it and had a hard time getting it back.We've been together for almost two years, he's my first and I'm only his second girl (and he only had sex with another girl once). Could it be that he's getting bored with me and that I don't turn him on anymore? He tried very hard to reassure me that he finds me very hot, that he loves my body and that it's only been twice this week, that we have had sex this week to and that I've turned him on a lot on those ocassions.However, it killed my mood. We had sex later, and he had no problems, although I did feel his penis a bit softer than normal. What could it be? Could it be he's getting used to me and wants sex with someone new? He really loves me, and I know he wouldn't leave me for that, but it sucks to think that I'm a sex bore. He also reassured me he likes what I do very much, but I'm still confused! He had never lost erections before! Just this week it happened...guys, what could it be? Is it normal? He's 22 and has always had a high sex drive... he also felt very bad because I got sad about it. Help?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): I hope I can help here. I'm 23 year old healthy young guy. I have been having sex with my wife now for around two years, and I have been loving every session! However, in the last month or so, I have lost my erection in the middle of sex a few times. One time that I remember completely vividly is after I lost my erection, she cried for over an hour. I can't think of a worse moment in my life, hearing my wife cry beside me after sex. Imagine the amount of pressure I put on myself to never let something like that happen again.She thinks this is her problem too. I understand why you would think that you might be a bore in the bed, but in my own personal experience as the guy, this isn't the case. My wife has told me that she is concerned that I don't find her attractive or sexy anymore. There is nothing further from the truth. I have never been more attracted and turned on by any other woman more than my wife. She doesn't feel like I am tell her the truth when I tell her that though.It is completely mental with the guy. Now that it happened once with me, I am completely paranoid when I start to feel like it isn't rock hard. The moment when I start to think that I may be losing the erection, guess what happens. I try to think about other things, but trust me, my own paranoia is screwing me over.If you want some advice. Don't put any pressure on him at all. Like for me, I feel pressured, just knowing the fact that if I lose my erection, my wife will feel like I am not attracted to her. So you might be putting pressure on your man by just asking him if he thinks you aren't any fun in bed.I have no idea how it started in the first place for me though. The only thing I can think of is I just got a demotion at work (though they called it a promotion) in the past month, and it has bummed me out pretty good. My wife has been incredibly supportive about it though. Another thing maybe is that she only seems to want to have sex right before bed, and normally when we go to be I feel completely exhausted.Bottom line is it is no ones fault. It is definitely not your fault either. If your guy is anything like me, he wants to jump your bones as soon as he sees your beautiful smile. Just keep being supportive and caring. Remember... don't let him think that you feel you aren't turning him on. It will only add pressure when he is making love to you, because he will be feeling that he NEEDS to prove to you that you turn him on by keeping an erection. Right when he starts thinking that during sex, I promise you that he will lose it right when the thought crosses his mind.Sorry for the rambling, but I had some stuff to get off my chest too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): 'he also felt very bad because I got sad about it'
You are expecting a lot of this man and that is the problem - he feels inadequate. If you get sad about it he may be losing his erection for the very reason that he remembers that.
Try to be more confident in yourself and not take it personally. And sex isn't the be-all and end-all anyway. You have a whole relationship, not just sex, haven't you?
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (11 April 2008):
 In my opinion, you are reading way too much into the fact that sexual intimacy may not always be like all other times. It sounds like you two have a good ongoing relationship and you should not expect that every session will be incredible for both of you. You might even mess things up by being to doubtful and studious with him. It sounds like you are giving your guy all that a man could want and more, so it might be best to analyze less and just keep on being a great lover and girlfriend. Just my opinion, for what it's worth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): The last thing it could be is being bored with you. It has allot to do with him. He could be nervous because he doesn't want to fail you, which causes him to fail (I hate when that happens).
The other side of this, and there can be many reasons why he is having problems, but mostly mental issues, is the relationship between you and him. This may not be the case, whereas the other is (noted above), is how do you treat each other when your with ach other, when others are with you and while your away from him? If it is respecful, caring, compassionate, trusting, and loving, then this wouldn't be the problem.
It will take some thinking, replaying, etc., on your part to recall the past; when it began and what was going on with him that maybe causing it.
It isn't a cut and dry problem. Most likely, it is mental, but there are 1,000 of books on the topic, and most miss the mark, or barely brush up on it.
Hope this gives you a start in helping him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): (I'M THE ORIGINAL POSTER!)
Oh, just for the record, I thought some of you may link this to porn use. Well, he doesn't do much porn, I mean, just once in a while... he also likes amateur porn, because he's more into the act than the chicks, so he looks at very normal girls, so he has no unreal expectations from me. Also, because he asked me to take a lot of sexy pics for him and that's what he usually uses (he tells me without even asking). So just a note, I doubt this is about porn... his porn use is very healthy.
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