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writes: I'm 52, slender, and youthful looking for my age. (So I'm told) My boyfriend is 12 years younger than me, but he looks the same age. He is wonderful in a lot of ways, but he is always looking at younger women. Once I noticed that he had an erection after looking at a girl. We were at a picnic one time, and he didn't stay with me because he had friends there. I found him standing beside a beautiful redhead and talking to her while she was watching her child play. The joke was on him, because her husband appeared. Sometimes, he rejects my advances for sex, for instance, we would be touching each other, then he would abruptly stop. It is hurtful for me. When we first started dating... he had an interest in a few younger girls, but it didn't work out for him. I guess I am old enough to know what I should do, he tells me every day that he loves me, but I feel so insecure.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): Start looking at younger men and see how he likes it! Seriously, have you told him that you know he is looking? And you don't like it. Men, unfortunately are not very bright, unless you tell them they do not know.Communication, tell him
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female
reader, shandygirl  +, writes (14 January 2008):
 Thank you "female reader(13 January 2008)" Very educational.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): Men get a jolt of pleasure whenever they catch a glimpse of anything sexually appealing. This jolt is caused by the release of a pleasure chemical called dopamine in the brain and it makes men feel very good psychologically and makes them feel like they want to meet whoever is turning them on. This gets men into all sorts of trouble as they find it difficult to control their eyes and their thoughts. The initial response to a glimpse of something or someone sexually appealing is automatic and cannot be consciously controlled but after the initial chemical hit, a man will consciously choose what to do next. The trouble for men is that, usually, their curiousity gets the better of them and they find themselves staring and drooling and the more they engage in that sort of activity the more they want to do it as the chemical hit feels good so they want more. It is not usual for an adult male to get an erection purely from looking at an attractive female in a public place, teenagers might have this problem when testostorone levels are very high but not adult males. Men today are constantly being bombarded with glossy airbrushed female images in the media and scantily clad females in public and therefore face a constant battle with sexual temptation and because they are programmed to respond to a female form in a fertile looking state, they will be more inclined to stare at younger females. It doesn't mean that he wants a younger woman or that he doesn't love you. He just finds it difficult to control his natural urges.I read a very helpful book called 'Every heart restored' which explains male sexuality and helps you not to take it so personally. Unfortunately, half the problem is getting males to admit that they have this problem and that they need to stop the habit getting out of control. I really sympathise with you as I really hate this male habit and I wish you all the best in your battle with it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): Erection or not, anytime a man noticeably persists in looking at another woman while he is in the company of another woman is showing absolutely no respect for that lady he's with. If he's making this a habit, it's more than likely tht he's just a woman chasing dog barking up every potential tree. If he does this in your presence, what do you think he does when you're not around? Exactly!
DROP HIM LIKE HE'S HOT! ! ! !
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think they ever really moved on... She emails him to let him know about Operations She's had, about a new car that her husband bought her, and sent him a picture of the car with Her in it. She calls him while she is on the subway on the way home... etc. When she calls him, he all of a sudden gets a "Spring" and displays an urgency to talk to her. in his walk. I am a traditional kind of girl. I told him that either he puts a stop to it, or LEAVE! He said that he would. HE said that she is a friend.
Once after she remarried, they had a meeting, and he told me that she tried to "Make Out" with him. He said that he rejected her. Also he told me that she once asked him that if they didn't have the problems that they did during the marraige, if they would still be together. He told her Yes.
He also told me that she said to him.... that if he ever fell in Love again...that she didn't want to know.
I have never had this problem with ANYONE before, the fact that he can't stay away from other women. Boy does it bother me!
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 On the surface, from what you said, it sounds like they're a little too friendly. It's hard to say though because I don't know you and it's possible you are too worried about nothing. We all tend to put our own spin on things. Why do they talk so much?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answering me Eddie, I didn't think that you would because my question was sort of "on the edge" Ha Ha.Anyhow, maybe you can answer this one for me too...Because you sound like a "Down to earth guy"My boyfriend has been divoriced for 6 years now. His ex is married with kids, (not his) but they can't leave each other alone. She is always emailing and calling him, and it pees me off. I have been dating him for a year now... and he mentions her, or refers to her almost every day. He handed me the phone when she called once, I tried to be nice to her and have a conversation with her, but she acted catty and hardly spoke a word to me. She sent an email with a picture of herself, I finally exploded and told her to leave us alone. He told me that he regretted how things worked out in his Marriage to her, that it ended. They had a meeting one time after she remarried, and she tried to "Make Out" with him. She also told him once that if he ever fell in Love again... that she wouldn't want to know. What do you think about that situation?
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male
reader, eddie +, writes (29 November 2007):
As I mentioned to you before, most men don't get erections by "looking, noticing " a pretty woman. Adjusting oneself is something we do from time to time. I think you're reading too much into this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all, I want to thank everyone who has given Me an answer. I have another question...
When a guy Looks at a girl, and 3 minutes later he is reajusting the middle front of his pants, below his stomach, does that mean he is "growing" down there from excitement and because of that, he is uncomfortable? Do you know what I mean? I am not being a pervert, I need to know your opinion. Because I have seen hinm do that sometimes after looking at a girl.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007): I think you should dump him, he is not worth it and maybe he is waiting for something better to come along. You deserve better and you will find someone who does appreciate you and love you, the age does not count.
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (25 November 2007):
 How stable (long term/committed) is your relationship? What about children? Do you have them, want them, what about him? Could these actions with younger women have anything to do with that?
You mentioned he had other younger women but it didn't work out. Do you think he is with you because the others didn't work out or because he really wanted to be with you?
The only one who can answer the not having sex is him. But love-him has a point, does he have something he is hiding, is he just not in the mood, or is he thinking of someone else?
All in all, I would not like it if the man I was with was chatting up other women. It's one thing if they are friends but if he gets worked up around them, that's not fair to you.
You said you knew what you had to do. Go with your gut. If you are indeed a 52 year old hottie, find someone who will appreciate that you have taken care of yourself. It doesn't sound like this dude does.
All the best.
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male
reader, eddie +, writes (25 November 2007):
Are you sure he had an erection? Most men don't stand around i public with a big bulge in their pants. You might have been wrong. As for looking at other women, that will never stop. That is natural and normal. Attraction is like candy for the eyes.
Do you ever notice a man is handsome? I'm sure you do. What did you notice with, your ears? I'm sure it was your eyes. Did you feel disgusted with yourself? My point is, it is supposed to happen that way. It's natures way of keeping the species alive. Since marriage is not guaranteed to be life long, we have to be able to find others attractive, in case we have to choose another partner. For that to happen, our ability to be attracted must still be in working order. That is normal.
Talking to a red head at a picnic....What is the crime in that? I think that is a sign of your insecurity, at least it's possible.
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female
reader, love-him  +, writes (25 November 2007):
 Hi, he sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. A wide variety of men do find themselves looking at other women, but to do it so obviously where you can see is vey disrespectful. He needs to know once and for all how you feel and he should tell you how much you mean to him. Im not sure why he is rejecting sex, maybe he has something to tell you? ask him about it, that's the only way you will find out.. I hope i helped, feel free to mail me about anything x
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