A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:The other night when me and my boyfriend were having sex he asked me 5 times if i had an orgasm. It really bothered me because i was trying to focus on him and us together all he was worried about was if i came.I got upset and i told him to stop asking me that. He wasn't happy that i was mad and so we just went to bed. Last night i brought it up to him and i told him that it just seemed like he was having sex with me to make me have an orgasm and so that he can boast about it. I also mentioned that i thought we were supposed to be enjoying each other and be thinking about what we are doing together and not just trying to make each other cum. He said that it was a little bit of both; Meaning He wanted to boast about making me cum and enjoying each other is good too he really emphasised the boasting part not so much with the enjoying us part..is that normal?????
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (5 January 2009):
There are several questions here and it's a little complicated.
Contrary to some popular myths, the majority of guys really DO want to please their sex partners. A significant part of some guy's' sexual satisfaction comes from knowing that they brought their partner to climax. What they don't understand is that, while a girl's sensation of orgasm is about the same as a guy's, her experience of sexual pleasure is different from a guy's.
Similarly, most guys - but especially young guys - are quite concerned about their own performance. With some guys, or in some social groups, it's cool to brag about it. Girls, on the other hand, are usually culturally conditioned to not even let on that they enjoy sex, and certainly don't want their partners spreading this information.
You two need to have some more discussions - rational talks in the light of day, not in bed when you're too tired to even be really good sex partners. Let him know that as a simple matter of sexual mechanics, nagging with the "Have you cum yet?" question is NOT good technique!
Also tell him you are much less likely to respond to his lovemaking if there is a possibility of other people knowing about it. Eventually it may not bother you if others know he can give you mattress-thrashing, scream-into-the-pillow orgasms but you haven't grown into that yet.
Then help him understand orgasm isn't your only source of pleasure. Be very specific about the other things that DO satisfy you - eventually he may learn (with your help) to "read" your body, but he does NOT naturally know how to pleasure you. (Some guys have a natural talent and only need a few words of coaching from their partners; others will require a LOT of gentle, respectful instruction before they learn the lessons.)
Have you ever had an orgasm? From anything he has done? Nearly all guys just naturally discover their own orgasm in their early teen years, but many women must make a deliberate effort to learn how to climax. And it's not at all unusual - some studies say it's actually the norm - that a girl doesn't climax during intercourse.
If either of these are your situation, there is a LOT of material, on the 'net and in published books, that can help you two reach these goals.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): It's pretty normal. We may not like it but guys do compare these things and its a lot easier to not have to lie about it. Being able to make a woman orgasm is like getting a special badge that proclaims them a man!!! Tell him if he wants to make sure you cum, sexy words not questions are the way to go. Explain to him how important it is for a woman to be in the moment and relaxed, and that putting pressure on you has the opposite effect. Be glad he cares if you get off, a lot of guys could careless about the girl. If its the bragging that bothers you, you have to tell him it hurts you. If he really likes you and is a good guy he'll stop. If your ok with light bragging tell him its ok to tell the guys he rocked your world but details are a no no!!!
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A
female
reader, _Lotus_  +, writes (5 January 2009):
 When he answered 'a little bit of both', I don't think he meant that he wanted to boast about the fact that he made you cum but was referring to enjoying the act and wanting to make you climax! But, of course I wasn't there when it was said so obviously this is just my opinion from what you have told us!
I think the fact that he is so worried about how good you were feeling during sex is a really good thing! It means he cares about pleasing you and wants you to enjoy your love making as much as possible. This is quite rare as most guys our age are just out to please themselves and arn't too bothered about making the girl cum (as this takes work, as we all know! lol)
Don't be so hard on him as he obviously cares about how you feel! Take care. xx
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