A
female
age
36-40,
*ebangel119
writes:I am in love with a guy that I have known for a long time. He was good friends with my ex husband before we had an affair. My ex husband was very abusive and controlling. After the affair the guy I'm in love with moved away and I stayed with my ex for another year. This guy kept calling me through out the year no matter if I changed my number. He always found me. We are now seeing a lot of each other. I made a huge mistake by trying to push a relationship on the guy I'm in love with. He says he just wants to be friends right now, but maybe in the future there can me more. I am worried I messed up the relationship at this point. I want to wait and see if things change, but it is hard for me. I really want to be with him. What should I do?
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 October 2009):
You can't be "just friends" with him. You have feelings for him and want a relationship with him, your feelings aren't going to change overnight. So, stop being his doormat and when he wants to "hang out" all the time tell him no. Staying friends with him is just going to keep hurting you in the longrun and your feelings aren't going to change if you keep seeing him all the time. You need to let him know that as long as he doesn't want a relationship with you, you can't keep seeing him just to hangout because you won't be able to get over him--staying friends with him only benefits him and not you.
A
female
reader, webangel119 +, writes (11 October 2009):
webangel119 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNow what do I do if he wants to hang out all the time? He is always over and we spend lunch together almost everyday?
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A
female
reader, webangel119 +, writes (10 October 2009):
webangel119 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the advice, I knew the answer before, but I'm glad to have an outsiders point of view. Sometimes hearing it from someone who isn't involved is the best. I hope I can keep him as a friend. Thanks again to all the great answers.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 October 2009):
I'm afraid he's said it all. He just wants to be friends. He's not ready for a relationship, or he doesn't feel the same way about you. You need to spend time moving on now, so make sure you keep busy and focus on yourself. It will take time, but you need to get over this guy, because he isn't interested. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (10 October 2009):
If you want a relationship with this guy and he's already told you that he doesn't at the moment then for now, all you can do is move on. If you try to keep pushing a relationship with him, it will screw it up even more, and just keep pushing him further away the more you push. So whether it is seeing new people (even if you may not want to, you should anyway) or just being on your own and investing your time in doing things that you enjoy to help keep your mind off of him is what's best.
I know it sounds like there's nothing you can do, but that's pretty much the jist of it. You can't force someone to be in a relationship with you if you don't want them to be. So all you can do is what's best for yourself and maybe he'll come around. But you also don't want to wait around for him because you don't want to miss an opportunity with someone else who you may even like better because you were waiting around for a man that may never come around.
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