A
female
age
51-59,
*luesteel
writes:I was wondering if anyone could help....my husband of 10 years hates when people compliment me. If we go anywhere and someone tells me I'm pretty he cringes. I always respond with a nice thank you. He just just sits there steaming. Why?? I'm not vain at all but he just can't stand it. I've asked him before why he is like that but he says oh nothing, its fine. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2015): You hit the nail on the head when you say it's insecurity.
He's afraid all the nice compliments will go to your head; and you might give him a second-look, and decide you might deserve or want someone better.
He also thinks there's a secret-code between women, and a female giving you a compliment has a hidden message of "look how lovely you are, can't you do better than that?" He gets angry, because people verbalize their appreciation for your nice features, and he doesn't get any compliments. It makes him feel undeserving. He hates the way you get so many, and he never or hardly does. If you blush, it pisses him off. He doesn't like you gushing over them.
It really is something you need to discuss with him.
If he doesn't want to talk about it, tell him what you think the problem is. Ask him to correct you if you're wrong. If he's got a bug up his butt, it's about time he tells you what the problem is. Let him know you've really had enough of it. It's childish (if not stupid) behavior. He's being an old grouch. If you don't nip it in the bud, it will get even worse. He's probably showing his age, and you're still fresh and pretty.
A
female
reader, bluesteel +, writes (5 May 2015):
bluesteel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your responses! Great to get other point of views.
If the compliments were from men then I would understand but general compliments from women is what I don't understand as to why it would bother him...probably insecurity.
Thanks again!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2015): It depends on who said it, and how the compliment was delivered. Most of all, how graciously it was accepted.
I'm sure he is proud to have an attractive wife, and I don't believe all these people are women.
You didn't say it, but I believe it's mostly when it comes from other men! It makes no sense a man would be jealous over another woman saying you're pretty. I'm not that gullible.
Direct-flirtations in the presence of your spouse is offensive. Compliments handed over by random strange men are not complimentary to your husband. Unless that compliment is inclusive: "Sir, you have a very lovely wife!" "Your wife/lady/girlfriend is really pretty!" "You're a lucky man!" "Madam, your husband is a lucky guy!"
It sends respect and a double-compliment to you as a couple.
It doesn't leave him sitting there like an emasculated dummy.
Most "men" offer flattery out of flirtation. If you are in the presence of another man, who may be your boyfriend or husband; the compliment should be respectful to both of you.
Acknowledging his presence, assuming you're taken, and to show the compliment is with all due respect to you both.
I'm not saying you don't deserve compliments, nor men should walk on eggshells around your husband. I'm not saying you shouldn't receive and accept random compliments from people. Just understand that he feels they are showing him blatant disrespect by speaking "past" him, and directly to you. Women pose no threat. Unless you send out weird signals and he picks-up on them.
I don't think you'd like it if some pretty female wandered-up and offered your husband a personal-compliment about his appearance, and didn't even acknowledge the fact you were sitting or standing there. As if he was alone.
Consider the circumstances and the type of men who offer these compliments. Also take into account the environment and location. Sometimes those same men will intercept you on your way to the lady's room, or approach you when you're alone. You behaved perfectly natural and haven't done anything wrong. Just understand a little how your husband may feel.
You're not to blame if people find you attractive as a woman. In fairness to your spouse; don't get too flustered or overreact to compliments from strange men. It can make you look starved for attention, and under-appreciated. If you feel that way, let your husband know. Then maybe he'll be more appreciative of the fine woman he has; and it doesn't have to come from other men, who will appreciate your loveliness. Controlled-jealousy is natural, getting angry and sulking is not.
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (4 May 2015):
 Does your husband compliment you at all? Often? Or not at all?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015): Its usually women who give these compliments..."you're pretty" "you have great skin" "your hair is really nice". Men would not (normally) compliment a woman in front of her husband....
He doesn't compliment me...the most I get is "oh you dressed up today" thats it.
I guess its insecurity. I was just curious as to what other peoples opinions on this would be.
Thanks to all who responded
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (4 May 2015):
 Is it just compliments about your appearance he takes issue with or ANY kind of compliment? And just from other men? Are these men friends or just strangers you encounter while you're out?
It's actually quite rude to offer an unsolicited opinion about someone's appearance, but we normally let it slide when it's complimentary.
The fact that this is an issue between you suggests you receive them often. And if you do, why? Why is it other men feel so at ease around you and your husband that they casually make comments about you? Do you make random comments to other men about their appearance?
Your husband might indeed be a very insecure man, but this post contains very little information and I suspect there's more going on here.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 May 2015):
 I would just tell him, YOU look nice too with a smile and THEN ignore his little tantrum.
I do think SVC is right, he is worried that you might want to check out greener lawns.
Does HE compliment you at all?
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 May 2015):
 SVC's reply gets right at the matter. It's hard to imagine a man behaving in this manner... since most of us (in my opinion) - would be flattered that someone noticed our lovely partner... and enough so to actually say such.....
Is there anything that you could do to be less beautiful??? like dress dowdy? ... or, apply your make-up badly, so that you look more witchy? (Just kidding!!!!!)
Good luck.....
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 May 2015):
 Is your husband insecure?
Does he compliment you?
Maybe he's afraid he's not a good husband and you will leave him for greener pastures.
...............................
|
