A
female
age
41-50,
*illygirl80
writes:hi,hope someone out there can give me some advice.I am in a relationship with a man who has been in the British army for 9 years,he is a corporal and is currently training to become an officer at sandhurst. We have been together on and off for about a year and 4 months.Now when we got together I knew what I was getting myself into,but in the early stages it was just sex and nothing serious.as time has gone on we have fallen in love and I moved in with him a couple of months ago.Anyway,I've been thinking about the future recently and I'm just not sure if this is what I want. I rarely see my boyfriend,yet when I do see him it's really hard to adjust.he is back for a weekend in a couple of weeks and then off again for about 5.and it's so confusing and hard to maintain this balance,cos he's back for such a short time so I try to plan stuff for us to do together,yet he told me last night he's planned to see his friends on one of the nights.Now I can totally understand this cos if I was in his position I'd be the same,but I just sometimes feel like I'm always on borrowed time with him.don't get me wrong,I respect and feel a lot of pride for what he is doing for our country but that doesn't stop the loneliness.And I know he feels bad too,it must be even harder for him to manage but I just don't know if this is the future I want.after all,after he becomes an officer he will probably get deployed to afghan next year and I don't think our relationship is strong enough to survive that.We've been arguing a lot recently (even over the phone) cos he's tired and overworked and I feel I can't speak to him properly cos I don't want to make it even harder for him.It's just so hard as well when my other friends see their other halves every day,and I feel so alone.it's like being in a relationship without the regular sex!but then I have days when I think I must be really selfish for having these feelings.I keep myself busy while he's away,I have a lot of friends and hobbies and I'm currently applying for the police so I am happy with other aspects in my life.however now that I've moved into his apartment (that he rents even though he rarely lives there) I kind of feel a bit trapped cos would feel really guilty to leave him to pay the full rent.I just don't know what to do,I do love him but I just sometimes think maybe it's better to let him go.I don't feel like I truly know him,or can even get the opportunity to know him cos of his occupation,he never talks about his work cos he thinks I won't understand.and cos of this I rarely confide in him about personal things.isn't that what a boyfriend is meant to be? A boy friend?I don't feel like he's a friend.Anyway sorry to babble on,any advice would be happily appreciated,thanks x
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): Hi,randomly came across this- My boyfriend is currently in officer training at Sandhurst too! I feel exactly like you do - it is hard- but I don't think we can begin to imagine what it is like in there for them, it must be so tough.I am in a similar situation - at the moment I haven't heard from him in a week and now I have started to worry that he just doesn't care about me anymore- i feel i am constantly waiting for a call from him and I don't want to spend my life like that! But ... I just think you need to give it more time, maybe things will be better when they get more time off!when i saw him a few weekends ago he was so exhausted he just slept for most of the weekend and it made me feel really sad as i hadn't seen him in 5 weeks but I think you just have to give it time. This is probably one of the toughest things they will face and I think they need as much support as possible.I guess it just depends how you feel... I think do everything you can to make it work and to support him and if its not enough then maybe you have to let him go for now.. its not to say that nothing will happen in the future.. thats how I am looking at it anyway..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): I'm not sure about the rest, but he might not talk about work, because you represent something special for him - something he wants to hold on to, as its something more than al the mud, and the bruisingits, quite common amongst soldiers - my family is full of them, and we all do the same thing - and hear the same thing from our partners
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A
female
reader, sillygirl80 +, writes (27 January 2009):
sillygirl80 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust thought I'd add a couple of things. They are that when I'm with my boyfriend and were getting on I do feel so happy and he always makes me laugh which is what attracted me to him in the first place.but I just need to be serious sometimes and to try to work out if I actually want a future with someone who I'm never going to know properly cos of his job.:-(
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