A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a senior in college, and I have been dating a guy for almost two years. He graduated from college last May and is working now. We don't live together, and we both have busy schedules, so we see each other only on weekends for the most part, but we talk everyday. My boyfriend has a set schedule: he gets up and goes to work from 9:00 - 6:00ish, and he's very serious about his work, so he never calls me, doesn't answer if I call (unless I were to call a million times because of an emergency or something), and rarely responds to text messages and e-mails. He typically goes home from work, relaxes in front of the television with a beer for a litte while, eats dinner, spends time on the computer, reads, does laundry, whatever. If I call him in the evening, he typically does not pick up because he likes to get on the phone with me right before he goes to bed, so one of us typically calls the other around 11:00 p.m. Overall, I'm fine with this because I'm pretty busy with class, work, activities, and homework. He doesn't like to talk for too long (no more than an hour unless necessary), and he cannot let go of this schedule. I ask him why he can't call me to have a five minute nothing conversation during the evening, like on his walk home from work, but he says that "That's just not how I function." I ask for more spontaneity, surprise, excitement in our communicating, but "that's just not how [he] functions." Even though I tell him that I like and want those characteristics in our communication, that's not what he wants to do or likes, so it's not going to happen from his end. I've told him that he does not seem to be able to step out of his shoes and consider how someone else (i.e. me) feels and reacts and that a relationship is a two-way street, so I think that he should try sometimes, but he just doesn't. Is this serious? Is this something that could lead to much bigger and more serious problems? We're getting to a point in our relationship when decisions for the future are going to have to be made, and I'm really just not sure what to think about what I consider to be his inconsiderate nature. Am I just being spoiled and unfair?
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