A
female
age
36-40,
*Lindy87
writes:Is it typical for people, mainly guys, to assume a girl is their girlfriend if they never formally asked her to be?I'm asking because a year ago I met this guy. We became friends right off the bat and good friends at that. I considered him one of my best friends about 3 months after we met. 3 months later, 6 months after I met him things evolved to friends with benefits. I wanted more at the time, he did not. I ended the friends with benefits thing because it wasn't for me, I wanted more then just a friend I sleep with and go. At this point we'd go drink somewhere, we'd still talk like friends do, we'd sleep over at each other's houses and sleep together. There was no cuddling, there was no hand holding, no cute talk, and gradually our friendship became only about sex. We didn't share our lives with each other like we did when we were best friends. That was the situation and it lasted one month. After that ended I went on new dates, hung out with other guys. Gradually and slowly this guy came back in my life, as an acquaintance in classes (we go to college together), to friend. I knew I didn't want to repeat history so I kept my distance.Well, I hung out with him one night with a group of people from our school, he invited me and I figured that it was with a group of people, not just him and I so I counted it as okay. Nothing happened between us but I noticed that he was around me a lot, we had mutual friends there, and he kept buying me drinks and no one else. He was giving me extra attention basically. I left that night, didn't end up with him and went home safe and sound.A week later I hung out with him, just him, and we watched some movies. We ended up cuddling on the couch (something we never did ever before), he gave me a massage, and we watched three whole movies just cuddling, laughing and giving massages to each other. The first time we were involved it was awkward, the transition between friends to more was odd, now it seems smooth and natural. That night we ended up sleeping together, I expected it to be like last time...focusing on sex. Instead he made it all about me...he was focused on getting me off, we'd stop having sex and just hold each other, he told me that I make him feel great and how good it is to see me and be with me.Fast forward a few days, here I am thinking I made a huge mistake by going back to the friends with benefits thing because I figured that even though the sex was more intimate...doesn't mean anything necessarily. But we were supposed to hang out one night after my kickball game, but it was just something we said casually in conversation and not very solid plans and being as I assumed we were just friends with benefits again I decided to go hang out with my friend I hadn't seen in awhile and her boyfriend, I didn't think he'd care all that much. But two hours later I get a text from him saying "so...weren't we supposed to hang out?" and I go "I wasn't sure but now I'm hanging out with my friend at her house" and he goes "I really wanted to see you tonight :( I wish I were there with you" and I said "I wish you were here too, lets hang out sometime this weekend?" it was a thursday when this convo happened. oh and he said in a text "Have a good night sweety, sweet dreams". Keep in mind that he NEVER said anything cute like that before.Unfortunately we didn't hang out this weekend, due to some things I had to do with my family.He also had called me venting about his room mate that wednesday night, before that thursday and I guess his roommate's girlfriend is ALWAYS over at their place and it was bothering him and he goes "she's there all the time and its not like I have you there 24/7"...to me that was a weird thing to say considering he was talking about someone's girlfriend and then related it to me being his.It just confuses me because he has been giving me the best friend part of our friendship that I really enjoyed, the closeness emotionally and then now we're sexual on top of it. It seems more comfortable now then it did before, before we couldn't talk about things and now we do, we joke around, its fun, not at all awkward and I think maybe his attitude changed because the time I ended things I didn't want to continue as friends with benefits, started hanging out with other guys, he had tried to hang out with me many times and I turned him down a lot, finally had hung out with him. Could me playing hard to get for five months change his mind about what he initially wanted? btw, I usually have the mentality that all guys want is sex. I'm not naive...I know that that is a possibility but I'm just blindsided by the change in behavior he shown. I know he is into me, that he has feelings for me. He told me this.
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male
reader, corbandallas  +, writes (11 October 2010):
He's obviously into you and I don't think he just wants sex. I think he was probably pretty angry that you blew him off on the weekend. The reference to his roomates girlfriend says it loud enough: He wants you around more. I wouldn't blow him off too many more times or he'll just walk away. If I were you, I would hang out with him in a situation that didn't imply that you were going to have sex. Continue to do things together without having sex,kiss, hold hands whatever. If he sticks around for a couple of weeks of that, I'd say he really likes you.
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