A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My Boyfriend's family reunion is soon and I want to go to meet his famiy. he is refusing to go stating he doesn't like being around some of them because of how they make him feel. He was adopted, etc. I have only met one aunt, 2 uncles and a few cousins at a christmas gathering I invited myself to because I was tired of not meeting them. we have been together for 5 years. He says his mom doesn't want to meet me, so I haven't met his parents. they don't approve of our relationship. He says this has nothing to do with our relationship and that it is his own personal issue, but I can't help but feel like I am something he is hiding or embarrassed about us. He doesn't go around them much, only when he and I are having issues then he seems to go around them. He wants to get married, but I am having a hard time understanding this. How can I marry someone that I feel may be keeping distance between me and his family on purpose?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, if he appeared to want nothing to do with them, then I would agree with this. But it seems as if he wants nothing to do with them in front of me. He acts like he doesn't to me, but then I'll see computer contacts that he initiated with them, but he never does this in front of me. Also when a family member calls the house, he won't answer, acts like he doesn't want to "hear their crap". But he will call them back when I am gone. He went back for a funeral a year ago and was suppose to come back home that night, but when he got there he made every excuse to make it where he would stay overnight. he said his family wanted him there. ok, so now they want him there and I want to go, so I don't see the problem. if he can go when he has to, why not now?
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 June 2011):
If he was seeing them regularly, and not inviting you, then I'd say something was wrong.
But he's not.
In fact, he spends a good deal of time not wanting to be around them. He's also not going to this reunion himself. Again, if he was truly hiding you from them, you'd find that he'd go and leave you at home.
I would suggest to you that this is entirely to do with the fact that he was adopted. I fully suspect that he doesn't really feel like he is part of the family - perhaps that's just how he feels himself. Or perhaps things have happened in the past that have made him feel this way.
Either way, I don't actually think this is something you need to worry about. His actions towards you otherwise seem to be okay, given that you didn't mention anything else. If he was hiding you, or was embarrassed, he'd be at this reunion, but just wouldn't take you.
I think if you love this man, you're now pushing your luck. I don't see anything here that suggests he's hiding you. I see a man who has been through a lot in his life, and just wants a break so he can make his own family, without problems or interruptions. You need to now decide whether meeting his family is a deal breaker or not. Personally, on this occasion, I think you should put some faith in your boyfriend and accept that he's just not happy with his family. If you can't do that, end it and never look back.
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