A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dated a coworker for six months and even though I'm 26, it was the second time I've fallen for anyone. We both work at the Holocaust Museum in D.C. where there was a shooting last summer. We were both there that day, but I was in the middle of it. Experiencing that really messed my head up. I had post traumatic stress which meant I was angry and scared ALL the time because the shooting kept playing in my head over and over again. I felt tremendous guilt because once the guard was shot, I did nothing to help him when I could have. My ex didn't understand and he wasn't there when I needed him the most. He broke up with me because of the immense stress we were under. I had to deal with the backlash of the shooting and a broken heart. It was really hard and I'm just now getting back to normal. I'm finally happy and things are good for me. Despite how great things are right now, I'm very confused about my relationship with my ex. I'm still very hurt about our breakup and I have very strong feelings towards him. Anyways... he heard a rumor that I have a boyfriend and now he's done a complete 180 towards me. I use to be nonexistent to him which was painful but ok. Now he flirts with me constantly and I catch him watching me all the time. He goes out of his way to be around me and is constantly trying to get my attention or deliberately driving me crazy. He even asked me to move in with him?! Our birthdays are three days apart and he wanted to go to the bar with me and my new man (no mention of bringing along his girlfriend). He's constantly asking about my new boyfriend even though I told him repeatedly it's a no strings attached relationship. I'm very confused because he told me two weeks ago that he's seeing a 20 yr old intern and plowed me with advice about his new relationship (this all happened after he found out I was dating). I feel like he's playing with my emotions and trying to keep me from moving on with my life. So is he really over me or is this another case of him wanting what he can't have?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): Glad you did get counseling!! Had you said that my answer would have been different. (can't read what isn't there..) The way you worded your question there is however some residual feelings. Keep working thru them, it will get better. With your additional information you are making the right decision. You do deserve better, 2 months is not that long but, time is a relative thing. For those with more life experiences, it is easier to get thru situations like yours. For those with less life experiences it is harder and takes longer. All in all tho you are making the right decision for you. You will find that "right" guy !
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor the record, I did receive counseling after the shooting. I was relaying the experience I went through, how far I have come through the ordeal, and the cause of our breakup. The shooting happened because someone with a mental disorder came in to the museum with the intent to do harm. I guess I am really questioning if we get back together, did he establish a precedent for us? I did attempt to talk to him and explain how I was feeling (scared/angry/alone), but he was impatient and reminded me when the incident occured (i.e. 'that was two months ago, you should be over it by now'). Hmm...the more I think about it, the more clear the answer is. I deserve more.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): sunshine,
Just from the little bit you've wrote and the way you have expressed yourself you never received PTSD help did you??
"My ex didn't understand and he wasn't there when I needed him the most. He broke up with me because of the immense stress we were under."
You are STILL trying to sort out 'blame' and reasons. It was never your b/f's fault because he wasn't there when you needed him most. You were (and are) the one under all this "stress" you talk about, not "we". You have still not forgiven yourself for not helping the guard after he was shot. And,, you are still struggling with assigning a "reason" for what happened in the entire shooting senerio.
Now,, you are being hypersensitive with any interaction with the ex b/f. Mainly because you know mentally the whole shooting/PTSD situation you allowed to drive a wedge between you and your B/F. His inability to "understand" also plays a role in this situation.
First things first, get help and really work through the emotions you are carrying from the shooting incident. Then examine this inability for your B/F to "understand" what happened to you. You never said how or what he said that means he didn't understand you or your experience.
All the "stuff" about birthdays 3 days apart, etc.. is absolutely nothing more that emotions and imagination running wild trying to assign some sort of revelance or meaning to totally random events in time.
Lastly the current situation of your ex b/f being extra interested in you and suggesting the things he is..... You are exibiting a "front" that everything is ok with you. You have resolved all the prior issues and are moving forward with life. And,, he thinks "gee she's got herself all sorted out, maybe there's a chance for "us" again."
That's what you present to the world on the outside. The inside however.... YOu still haven't truly resolved the guilt, blame, reasons, etc.. from the shooting incident.
Not saying the ex b/f is a bad guy. Not saying your a bad woman. ALL I'm saying is you have unresolved issues that are continuing to haunt you thou you may not even see them.
Fix that first. Learn to forgive yourself for whatever actions you did or didn't do, feelings you had or didn't have, etc...
Understand ???
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