A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dated a guy - 8 mths. Love him. I am 39, never married, he says we should take our time, I want to get married and settle down. Is 8 mths too little to give an ultimatum? Am I being fair? He doesn't want to talk about marriage at all now - does that mean he isn't into me even if he said he likes me? He is open and direct in everything else except this area. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 March 2008):
 Sorry for the quick answer but here's a recommendation for you. " A Fine Romance" by Judith Sills-- this book helped me a lot in a similar situation. All the best and let us know how things go.
A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (13 March 2008):
 If you keep bringing up marriage plans you're going to make him feel like you're trying to "bag" him. The idea of marriage should feel natural and not like a race to beat the clock. It seems like your guy understands this and if he's the type of guy who would settle down with you, would only do so when he was %100 sure that it would be for good (NOT AN ULTIMATUM). If your priority is to start the whole family thing you need to figure out if he's somebody worth waiting for or if you'd rather seek "the instant family man". And in my personal opinion, 8 mths IS too early to start making demands. Take it easy.
-Jmo
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A
female
reader, Miss Lab  +, writes (13 March 2008):
 well you see, most men do not like the thought of settling down. By not wanting to talk about it does not mean that he does not feel for you it just means he is not ready to settle down yet. It is common for women to want to settle down quicker than men, you have just got to give him some more time. Comittment is a very big thing, you need to give him time to think about how comitted he is to your relationship.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (13 March 2008):
 First of all, yall are grown adults. He shouldn't be saying that he "likes" you. It should be that he LOVES you.
Anyways, I don't see why he has problems just talking about marriage, BUT I do think that it is too early in the relationship to actually get married. You are probably just in a hurry since you are 39. Idk his age, but I am guessing that he is younger. I could be wrong.
I think that if he was really into you he would at least talk about it with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Men need more time to make such decisions... a few of them will proposeright away, but most will wait at least until you've been together for a year.
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