A
female
age
36-40,
*eesweetheart
writes:this is goin to be a long one sorry i've known this guy for many years but its only over the past two we've really got on. we met up agen round one of our friends house and instantly we had things to talk about and practically ignored everyone else that was there includin my bf at the time, i know wrong but this guys has been a friend of the families for years, so it was kinda like old friends catching up. we swapped numbers n email addys to talk on msn. we saw eachother regularly at our friends house and our talks got more and more intense and then intimate on msn. as i've known him and his gf for soooo long i know that he is not in love with her but at the same time he won't leave as he feels she will make it difficult for him to see his daughter, which i agree with. so i started to talk to him less as i could feel what was happenin. i didn't wanna fall for a guy who will never move on from this loveless relationship to be happy, if that makes sense. we lost contact for a while as his daughter became ill so he was never home as he was by her side all the time. thankfully shes fit n healthy agen n we're talkin as i wanted to know how she was but each time we talk that feelin that spark where you know you just wanna b with that person jus keeps getin bigger n bigger n harder to ignore. i think he feels the same way as many of our friends have said so and he does show that he cares for me more than jus a friend. but i am at a loss as i don't know he will move on from the relationship he is in so then we can see if will progress further or if im goin to end up fallin for a guy who is involved which i do not want. he may not be in love with his gf but i will not help him cheat on her physically as i now we have already done it emotionally which i feel really bad about. i don't wanna tell him to leave his gf as he mite take it as tho im tellin him to leave his child as well which i would never do. i jus need som advice pls guys sorry this was soo long but it is the short version
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move on, msn, spark Reply to this Question
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male
reader, maverick +, writes (1 May 2007):
 It's alright I appreciate the followup. It makes more sense now.
From what you have said it doesn't appear there is much else to concern yourself with now. By him looking for a lawyer and what you say he is already taking positive action to leave his current girlfriend.
Please post again if you remeber your question.
A
female
reader, leesweetheart +, writes (29 April 2007):
leesweetheart is verified as being by the original poster of the question i know that right now i am the other woman thats why the contact we have is only the pleasantries ie hi how are u etc. i have been with a partner with a child and i was perfectly fine with the fact that she will always come first that is not a problem at all and never would be. he is already in the process of getting a lawyer and representation from family mediation. the c/gf would try her best to hold him to ransom over his daughter but if they aregoing through court and he gets an access order there is nothing she can do especially seeing as he in named on the birth certificate and has been the sole provider for the family since before she was born. i know alot about the court proceedings involded in getting access etc as the partner i mentioned earlier had his daughter taken off of him for six months by the mother because they were not together. i understand what is being said and that you only make your opinion on what you know. i know that he is strong enough to move on from his partner and leave as before there was any interest between us he often spoke about it he just kept saying he was scared of losing the comfortable factor of a relationship he knows and that he feels he needs something better to move on to. which is a really really bad way for him to look at life but sadly he is. and now ive been typing so much i can't actually remember what i was going to say so ill post back when i do remember lol
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A
male
reader, maverick +, writes (29 April 2007):
Please don't apologise for writing a long question. It's good of you to get as much of it out as you can.
First and foremost. At this point in time you are the "other girl". Regardless of how he feels about his current partner - he is still in a committed relationship. I do not recommend taking this any further, but given you are feeling a lot of atttraction towards him you might want to reason this through anyway.
I'm sensing you want a more serious relationship with him. How would you do that? Let's say you sat down together and talked about it. What could be done so that you two could have a relationship and he could still see his daughter? You see there are different issues here:
Firstly, he doesn't love his partner but he won't leave because of their child. They could agree access? Or go through the courts? Would he do that?
Second, he DOES love his child more than you. Would you be able to cope with that?
Third, I get the impression he can be held to randsom with his daughter. He does not seem personally strong enough to leave his partner and fight for his daughter.
Maybe consider moving on and finding someone without the baggage. In the end its up to him what he does with his life - and you cannot put your life on hold while he's not sure what he is going to do about it.
Please look after yourself. M
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