A
female
age
41-50,
*eartbrokenisme
writes:i have been with my patner for 14 years, recently we have split up this was a mutual decision to start with but when it came to the crunch i asked him to stay i love him, during the past couple of years we have both been through so much about 4 years ago i found emails from gay men with replies from my patner going into quite intimate information and the fact that they could meet at the time i was working days he was working nights and sometimes i couldnt get him to answer his phone and my mind was playing great tricks because i thought he was meeting these men, i did confront him and ask him and he assured me he wasnt gay or bi, we forgot about this and started to move forward with our relationship after a few years he was made redundant from work it was ok at first he was actively seeking work then the emails started again from men and new friends started to come on the scene and he would say he had met them in certain places and the people i knew there had never seen these people at this time i asked him again and again he denied it but he was going out in the evenings with this man and staying out for hours our sex life also started to deteriorate, this made me even more suspicious i kept blaming myself that i was too fat for him and that he just did not want me, then a few months afer this he became really depressed and started to cut him self even cutting his wrists i was so distrought, he could be left alone with our children we needed people coming into our home everyday and they had to check him he went into hospital for a while but when he came out was still cutting himself, this carried on for around 6 months and then he started to get a little bettter at this time he found a job and he looked to be getting back on the right track, again he then started to get new friends and i only found this out because i came home one night and he said he was going out he went to get changed and his phone bleeped on it was a text from this friend saying that he was on his mind all the time and couldnt wait to see him well i went mad my heart dropped i confronted him and he didnt go out, after this we started to argue and it got to the point where it was all we was talking about so we made a decision to seperate, we have been seperated now for 4 months and i still love him but everytime we speak we argue, we have spoken about relate but nothing has come of it, i spent the night with another man during this time because i got the affection from him i hadnt got fro my patner for a long time, i new i had done wrong by doing this and i told my patner since he has been on a date with a much younger woman and said that nothing happened as he still loves me but is not in love with me but couldnt forget our vows to each other, i have seen him quite a lot over the past few days and all we do is argue, i dont want this i love him so much yes i am in the wrong for a lot of things and i dont deniy this but i love him and want him back. what do i do to win his heart again i dont want this over i want to start again he is my world and always will be
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): It sounds to me that your husband might be in a bit of denial over his sexuality. Him self harming might have been his way of "punishing" himself. I think you have to face up to the fact that your husband is attracted to men.If your husband is gay, which to me it looks pretty obvious that he is, then your relationship isn't going to be the same.Maybe, in time you can be friends but i really don't think your marriage has much left in it.
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