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female
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anonymous
writes: First off--i have been dating and trying to meet someone and also keeping busy but it still doesn't change my feelings for my ex.my ex and i were together for over 3 years and broke up over a year ago but noone did anything so wrong..no cheating or anything..just arguments over silly thingsi contacted him a year later leaving a v-mail and he called me back a few minutes later and i explained my regrets and he said he can't jump back into this which I understood. We can't rush back into being together. He also said there are financial things going on stressing him out and also how he feels closed off right now. He said we would exchange calls and then meet. We have been talking for a few months about twice a week He does seem like he isn't happy with the way things in his life are going (unless he is bs'ing me). He says with the mortgage he is paying for his mother's house he has negative income coming in and that he also might have to give up his apartment. He also said he thinks his job will be making rounds of layoffs and he would eventually be affected. He also said if he gave up his apartment (and I live at home but actually might be moving out soon but i didn't tell him that yet) he said where are we going to go; what are we going to do? you need money to do some things etc. I said its not a reason to not see someoneHe said it doesn't feel right to him right now to see each other. He said he can't erase all the negative things or red flags that happened before etc (noone cheated or anything; it was just petty arguments that should have been avoided) He said at the very least just put things on hold and that he needs to square other things away first and that he just isn't in that mindset right now and to basically give it more time. I asked him do you want me to go away and he said he isn't ready to say ok don't talk to me anymore. And I asked so you don't even know if you want to see me in a few months? and he said well it would have to be within a few months or so and that he can't expect me to wait 5 years for a phone call and i told him no i can't do that. I also pointed out it seems like you are turning down the idea without even trying and he said what we have been doing now is trying but he just isn't ready right now. And he said he knows what will happen when we do see each other; it will just be more and more--whatever that means--becoming attached again?We had another conversation after that but the last time we spoke was mid january. I called him this past monday and left a voicemail saying i just wanted to say hi and see how he was. If he really wants to not even talk anymore I really want him to just at least just talk to me and say what's on his mind. I was thinking of texting him in a few days to ask how he was and how i know he mentioned i stressed him out and it was only because i didn't know what he was thinking and now that i do we can drop the subject. And to ask him how is everything?I really want to know something and not just be left in the dark with being ignored. He's the one who said to put it on hold and i believed him. Should i text him tonight or wait another week to just ask what's going on rather than disappearing like nothing happened?
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female
reader, gentledevastation  +, writes (18 March 2010):
It's hard to wait... I know it... but, from personal experience, I can tell you that your chances are better if you do wait. Focus on other stuff, enjoy your time alone... when he is ready, he will talk to you.
I suggest you take the time and look deeply into the issues that got you into the break up again in the meantime, consider if the 'silly' things are not so silly. I understand you have feelings for him, but if him closing off every time he has trouble for example is one of those 'silly' things and it distresses you, then it stops being silly and becomes pretty serious.
Good luck!
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