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anonymous
writes: I've written before about my problem, but that was couple months ago. I've tried almost everything to resolve the issues my husband and I have, but it seems that nothing is working. I desperately want to work things out with my husband, but I don't know how. I love him so much, I just hope that someone here can be of help.My husband and I have been married for just a few months, and we are already struggling. While we were enganged I found out that he had an account on AdultFriendFinder.com, where he was attempted to hook up with someone for random sex while he was in school for the Air Force across the country from me. I was so hurt, but for some reason I forgave him. Now I have such a hard time trusting him. It would be one thing if that was all he had done, but I also have told him that pornography is completely not okay and makes me feel like such crap if he looks at it. I asked him not to look at it, and he told me he wouldn't, but I would check the computer and, sure enough, he had looked at pornography while I was at work or whatever, and he always lies about it. I've threatened to leave him a couple times already, but he never seems to care. It's not the pornography that gets me so upset, it's the fact that he lies to me. I have no reason at all to trust him. It's absolutely eating away at me.On top of the trust issues, he is so incredibly uncaring and selfish. Before he joined the military, he was a different man. He actually cared about me, but now all he cares about is himself. He does whatever it takes to please himself and takes no consideration of how it might make me feel. I'm so tired of being taken for granted. I've tried talking to him many, many times, but he is impossible to talk to. I've tried to lead by example and be extra caring and unselfish towards him, but he just eats it all up and doesn't return the gesture. I've even tried giving him the silent treatment or just acting upset overall, but it just gets him impatient and rude. Nice, huh? I don't want to give up all hope, I love him so much. I just don't know what else to try. I know someone is going to suggest marriage counseling, but realistically, it's probably not something we're going to try, not unless it gets to me walking out the door or trying marriage counseling, you know? Well, thanks for taking the time to read this, and thank you for your help. It's really appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): Why are you still there??? If talking will not sort out the situation then move on. He clearly doesn't have the same thoughts about you as you do about him. If you don't try marriage counselling then i hate to say it but it is over.
Take care
xx
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 I'm afraid it looks pretty grim for your marriage. I think you guys need to separate for awhile. He may come around once he realizes you really meant what you said, but then again he may never change and you sound absolutely miserable with the way things are. Some marriages just weren't meant to be and a least you haven't invested years into this one. I know you love him but if he makes you unhappy what kind of love is that?
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