A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met this man 18 years my senior while I was going through my divorce. He is helpful and understanding. But when I am not well he doesnt show much care. I was brought up by a loving mother. I know if you love then you care especially when the love one is not well. He once told me his mum is evil and he doesnt like his only sister at all. And he doesnt like anyone who talks about the past. I havent pressure him to tell why he hates his deceased mum. I feel like to leave as I love people who cares for me like my mum. But have no confidence I can find someone else. Please advise.
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 He can't admit to his emotions and therefore doesn't want anyone to admit to theirs, either. Because he can't grow, he doesn't want others to grow. I say leave him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): I get the feeling is much more than just he is not terribly compassionate when your ill? But that is sort of something which is easy for you to identify as being a good reason to reconsider. And it is, but maybe there are more things which are hurting you at the moment.
You information about his past, history and relationships, are a bit of concern. It sounds as though he is not able to show you the love you want, partly due to his history. It is a frustrating and difficult process to get someone who has things in their past which they do not want to look at, to consider if this is something which they need to heal from. Some people just can't or don't want to go there. If we are the type able to do this for ourselves, we understand the all the benefits in going to dark places and how it can help us sort stuff out, heal and assist greatly our current life and situation.
Think about yourself for a moment and ask why he needs to be like your mum in his care for you. Could it be that because she shows that unconditional love and attention it makes you feel that you matter? He may not be able to give your that same feeling. To expect him to show that, might be a too difficult task for him. It sounds as if when you need him, he withdraws. He does this possibly because he does not have the skills or knowledge on what to do and how to do it!. So he runs. When he does that, it feels like he does not care.
There is another consideration for you about his treatment during illness. Some people are terrified of illness and do not like to face it or deal with it. Sickness might be consider threatening or a weakness - to be avoided. It scares them, so he may be just like that too.
I suppose you need to work out if it is that he really does not know what he is doing and how he is effecting you. Consider if you have made it clear to him that he is making you feel let down, and he needs to change that feeling in you. Or you need to work out if he truly just doesn't care. Only you know that, by his actions in other areas and how committed he is to helping you feel wanted.
Lots of hugs!
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