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female
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*illypod
writes: Hi I wonder if there is anyone out there that can help me. My husband used to be so loving and caring, now since we got married he just seems to be like a jekel and hide i never know where i stand with him from one day to the next. He tells me he loves me but then is always putting me down infront of people. He works on as a doorman Fridays and Saturdays,(Which he knows I hate). often work he says he goes for a drink with his friends and does not come home until 5.00am the next morning. I have found viagra in his car and recently a young girls phone number on his mobile. He is always telling me that I am insecure and have a problem. If we go out together or if I visit him at the place he is working he never wants to stay late and drink with me or even sit with me before going off to chat and flirt with others. I have pleaded with him to give up this Doorman job. We do not need the money however I he feels he needs to make up for the fact that me salary is far greater than his. He is 49 and is still carrying on like a teenager. I have no support from him and although he knows I came from an abusive relationship before insists on bringing up my past and saying things like "No wonder I was beaten up by my previous partner". I just dont know if i am wasting my time with this man. I am now approaching 40 and need to be happy for once in my life. Your options would mean alot !!!!
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female
reader, Lillypod +, writes (14 November 2006):
Lillypod is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your responses guys. You are all basically confirming what I am already thinking in my own mind I guess one way or another. I have just booked a weekend break for both my husband and I. I plan to sit down away for all distractions and talk. "Something we havent done in awhile". This way he will either have to take a break from his door work or tell me that he does not want to go. I think from this I will know if he really thinks our marriage is worth saving or not. Thanks again for the messages of support.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006):
A hint: Saying "why dont you quit your job because I can easily make up your salary" is not the way to go about it!
I guess I'd agree with your assesment that it certainly seems like that he could be having affairs. A door man job would put him pretty heavily in the mix.
You do come across in your post as insecure and moppy. Its hard to judge your whole relationship enough to say whether you should stay or go, but I will say if you are waiting for someone else to make you happy you are going to be waiting a long time.
There is an expression "you are as happy as you want to be". Are you somehow picking these relationships to make sure you cant be "happy for once in my life".
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 November 2006):
 Wowie I can't believe he would actually say something like that to you, or put you down in front of people but then claim he loves you. I'm afraid you have stumbled into another abusive relationship. You need to do some hard thinking here. Can't say whether he's cheating or not but his behavior is totally unacceptable anyway. Sit him down and tell him what you just told us. If he doesn't want to change his behavior then you may have to either show him the door or pack your bags. You DO deserve some happiness but it won't be found in this relationship if he doesn't shape up. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): That is disgusting that he brings up your past. My ex did that and that's one of the reasons why he is the EX!!!!!!! You don't deserve a life like that. I keep saying that life is too short, but it is. We should all be happy.
Why don't you both sit down one night and 'try' and talk about your likes and dislikes, if he is anything of a man he will listen and take on board all you are saying and try and put things right. He could get a job doing something else but i guess he likes the attention that he will be getting from the girls. I personally don't think this is a job for a married bloke.
Then there is the case of the Viagra. I wouldn't of stopped until i had received a proper answer for that one.
I think you need to ask yourself how many more years can you put up with this. How many nights can you sit wondering just what he is up to. Out till that time in the morning, i don't think so!!! If the answer is none after you have had a chat then walk. I think you are worth so much more than this.
Take care and i wish you well.
xx
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A
female
reader, HONEST JULIE +, writes (13 November 2006):
 ring this girl and say that your his wife and you want her to leave him alone then confront his cheating arse and mak him choose
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