A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidIt might sound pathetic, but i love my bf to nuts. But he is often saying things like he is going to have sex with prostitute and he found someone else and he is thinking abt breaking up with me. Whenever he says things like this, he'll switch off the phone or wont pick up the call for 2 days and i will be crying the whole time and When i ask him next day, he says like he was kidding. His actions often tells me he just tolaretes me, since he never calls, even if i dont call him for a week he wont bother to call me (we live in diff states). I have to beg him to come and meet me atleast once a month. I feel used and pathatic for begging him and insecured and low self esteem. I am not sure why i am so scared to break up with him, sometimes i wanted to, but i couldnt make myself do it. Please help me
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insecure, prostitute, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2011): That isn't love. You need to learn to love yourself, don't settle for someone who hurts you like this, you deserve better. Distance yourself from him and give yourself time to heal. You'll be glad you did.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 October 2011):
 I am sorry that you have been manipulated to see him as 'boy-friend' material, when all you have is a LDR that consists of neglect, emotional abuse, and an occasional booty call, after you have begged him to come see you.I would not know how supportive your family are. But if they have not encouraged you to leave this abusive guy then they may not be people who can help you.Family who have encouraged you to leave this abusive guy are the people you should speak to. To give you the emotional support you need right now.You know you deserve better than this.Your self esteem must have reached rock bottom for you to think this situation is acceptable? The first thing you need to do is to take stock of who you are. Start valuing you and recognise that no guy in love speaks to his partner the way this guy speaks to you.Recognise that all you have with this guy is an emotionally abusive situation. It is undermining your self esteem to rock bottom levels.You can do far better than this guy. Guys in love do not speak like this to their girl.It is time you addressed your self esteem issues. And since your belief in yourself is so low I believe that you do need to speak to a trained professional psychologist who can help you to see how your current beliefs will set you up for abuse in any relationship UNLESS you can change that patteren, and unless you can develop better belief in your strengths and unless your self esteem can be resurected. You do deserve a better future. And you cannot have a better future with this man. He has become an addiction for you. He is toxic to your well being.Don't bother to say goodbye to him. Emotionally he said goodbye to you a long time ago.Do not phone him.If he does phone you tell him you are busy and cannot speak to him, and hang up.Better still get a new sim card so that he cannot easily reach you.If he turns up at your home then never let him in.Call the police if he stands at your front door and is abusive. But still do not let him in, even if he claims that he needs to use the bathroom. Or if he claims to have a gift for You.Get a fitness program going. Eat healthy. Try to reconnect with any old female friends from school, though not if they are in abusive relationship too. You need supporters, not another person feeling unable to get out of a bad situation If you have female work colleagues then occasionally suggest sharing a coffee or lunch with a colleague whose opinion you respect.
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