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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: well my boyfriend says he loves me and he says he cant love me more than anything and because im only 14 and hes 18 he can go out clubbing and he promises me he wouldnt go out with anyone else, well yesterday he sed aload of people from work were dragging him out from a night in town to celabreat that he got promoted at work,and he promised me to come and see me today but wen i rung him this afternoon he was being funny with me he wasnt as talkative as usual i dont no why he still said 2 me that he loves me but should i believe it im reali heart broken and he texted me a min ago sayin he cant get down am i just paranoid bout him breakin up with me coz i fell lyk he is gonna help what shall i do? or say? help me :'( :'( i really love him soooooooooo much
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2006): When you are only 14 then age gap to 18 is massive. He can basically do a lot more things than you. You are recently in your teens and he is heading towards his twenties. When you get older then 4 years will be nothing but until then you have to decide just what you want. I think you are going to be spending a lot of lonely nights, whittling on your own at home while his is out enjoying his youth, and quite rightly so. It will come to you when you get to that age but until now you must hold back. I think this relationship is doomed and you know it. If i was you i would put a stop to it before you really get hurt. He isn't going to put his life on hold because of you and do you really want to be held in the wake of all of his fun. No. Be brave and strong, have a chat to him, explain how you feel and run like hell. Enjoy your life, your turn will come but i don't think with this lad.
Take care
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2006): You have a crush on him. Its very easy to be smitten with someone, but real love takes time to develop, and both people need some emotional maturity. What you have is infatuation.
Not putting you down: infatuation and crushes are fun, exciting, stars-in-your-eyes, but also produce much worry and doubt, and anxiety - as you are finding out. Having a "crush" on someone is practice for learning real, lasting love. YOU are only fourteen. You have a lot of growing up to do in terms of your emotions and experiences.
At 18, as Dr. Pete says, this boy is entering the first stage of being an adult. He really is too old for you. Hope you will "get over" him very quickly and make friends with boys nearer your own age.
I am aware that what I'm saying may be upsetting to you. We all think we "can't live without him/her" when we're infatuated. The truth is we CAN, and if he breaks up with you, it might be in your own best interests.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2006): If your boyfriend was acting a certain way, and then, after a night out, he is acting a completely different way, then I would say something has happened and that he is keeping it from you.
A partner should never go "strange" or distant when they have gone out with their friends, because to do so would show they are heartless because they must have known that you would have some worry and paranoia that something might happen.
You are in a difficult position because of your age gap, your boyfriend has entered the first stage of being an adult, where he can do adult things, whereas you still have a good few years to go before you can do the same things as he can.
Are you sure you wish to be in these kind of situations for the next 4 or so years? Him going out to clubs and bars whilst you stay at home worried? It does not sound like it's going to work very well for you, this is especially true if he can not think of you, and at least give you some reassurance and show that he is thinking about you and reassuring you when you need it.
Never ever, with anyone, just accept the words "I love you". You can not tell if someone loves you by them saying these words, you can tell by the way they treat you. They show it by, for example, knowing that you would feel bad being stuck at home, so make an effort to text you to let you know they are go, call you, and certainly meet up with you if they think you are upset in any way. They do not become distant or ignore you.
Maybe this is a huge, massive, misunderstanding, but the only way you're going to find this out is by seeing him. If he has a good reason for not being able to see you now then accept that, perhaps you can talk on the phone instead? If not, see each other as soon as possible - tomorrow? If he continues to avoid you, then I would probably say that he is avoiding you.
Don't stick around someone who makes promises and breaks them too often, or around someone who makes you feel so upset and insecure as you are feeling now. It is not good for you and will eventually effect your ability to love and care for someone in the future. You may love him so much, but if he does not care about you then you need the strength to know you deserve better, rather than blame yourself and think you're not good enough.
Good luck with whatever happens, I hope this has been a misunderstanding and things work out how you want them to, but all the best with whatever you decide to do.
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