A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:there is somebody in my life who i care for immensely, i am not in love with him. He is having a long distance relationship from the uk with a girl 10 years younger than himself in the usa. He works hard in order to sopport her and her 3 children, he sends most of his wages to her, and lives with his mother and father so that he can do this. He is 42 years old. I know the female that he is engaged to very well. She is dishonest, she steals, and she cheats on him. I hear stories about her all the time and the fact that she is just making fun of him. He is very soft and very gullible and VERY trusting. She has told him she has applied for a fiancee visa but cannot produce any kind of reference number to prove to him that she has applied. She works with friends of mine who have told me that she has already broken up one relationship within her work place by sending pornographic pictures of herself to some one elses boyfriend. He has told me himself that somebody has emailed him and told him that she is playing around behind his back but he pays no attention to it, he is about to say goodbye to his 12 year old son (who idolizes him) for a woman with 3 children who have no respect for him. He wants to leave the uk and never return. How do i convince him of what she is and what she is doing and what do you think of him walking out of his sons life at the tender age of 12. Please help. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. There is nothing i wouldnt do to save his son from the inevitable hurt and rejection. I do not and will not EVER understand how somebody can walk out on a child they have brought into the world. When he leaves, his son not only looses his father but he will loose all his extended family too.
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (26 August 2008):
 Well, the relatives don't need to like his mother to see him and to maintain contact with him. They shouldn't take this out on the 12 year old and if they do...that is THEIR choice.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionnot sure if i have the right page but the reason that the young sons grandparents aunts and uncles wont keep in touch is because they hate his mother.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (26 August 2008):
I can appreciate your sincere friendship and concern for this man. However, as you said, he is 42 years old and what he does, he will be responsible for. Life's lessons aren't always learned at a young age. He is about to learn a lesson that will impact his young son and for that I am sure we are all sorry. But beyond sitting him down and telling him how he feels, not much you can do. You say you are not a love interest so he should understand that your concern is genuine.
You mentioned that the 12 year old will also lose his extended family. That does not have to be the case. If the dad's parents, sibblings, etc can't go see this child and maintain a connection, that takes the cake. I can understand if they are unable to get around but there is the phone, letters, etc to stay in contact. Maybe you could elaborate on why this is how it has to be.
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