A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I am really very torn. I have been with my boyfriend for a year...and he has been separated for 2.They have no kids and she left him. He excuses for not applying is 1. No money and 2. Not wanting her to fight for the house (although as I said she left has completely abandoned him and cut off most contact) He is a really great guy...my biggest problem is the divorce. Not because I want to move in or get married or anything immediately, but because....I want those options open to us if that's something we wanted without waiting on the divorce process to hold us back on progressing the relationship of we wanted to. I just don't understand why after all this time he hasn't done it, and if I should give up hope on it ever happening and cut my losses now, or give him a couple more months since he has said about 3 months ago when we finally had a real convo about it he would take care of it after the holidays because he wanted to make sure she was gone long enough he could file abandonment and would hopefully have no rights to the house should she attempt to fight for it.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 January 2014):
 I wouldn't say another word about it to him. Instead I would quietly start extricating myself from this arrangement.
Your relationship, as it is now, is all your boyfriend wants but he doesn't know how to say that without losing you. He wants secure companionship without the obligations.
He's already had what you want. I think you're better off making an investment in someone who wants what you want.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2014): I had a relationship with a separated man. He promised it was just the final signing of papers and all straightforward. All children over 18 living with mum working full time and independent. Well nearly a year later he still hasn't made one tiny effort to sort it out. Why? Who knows. She has a boyfriend living with her and my ex is still paying the mortgage and maintenance three years after their separation. He couldn't even come up with a decent excuse. Work was busy and then Xmas and then something else. If a man wants a divorce he will get one!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 January 2014):
 Well waiting to file til he can claim abandonment might make it easier for him to get it done.
And I don't blame you, I wouldn't date a married man either (even if the marriage is over).
I guess if things are otherwise OK, I would give him a little while longer to get it sorted out. But I would tell him.
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