A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've met a wonderfl man. The only thing is, I think he sffers from low self esteem that or he's an inveterate liar!When first met (at his house) he texted me to say that he had never invited anybody over. I later found this to be untrue as he had a long term relationship with someone.I carried on seeing him as I thought he was trying hard not to put me off me by not coming clean about his past. Also I am fairly well adjusted to know that the past is better kept in the past.When we first met, when we were both talking of past relationships; I asked him if he lived with anyone he said "no". We recently had an argument (over him not coming clean about inviting only me over, reason he gave was that he didn't want me to judge him) and he mentioned that he had lived with a previos girlfriend.... I accepted this. The trouble is I love this man, I have faith in him, generally but am annoyed at these lies...What annoys me is not his past but these lies, I feel hurt and feel resentful towards him. Am i being unreasonable?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): Ok I understand a little bit more about your situation, and I thank you very much for the update. Maybe he's been with jealous girls before and this is how he's learned to behave. I'm not sure how you feel about this man, but now he has sowed distrust in your relationship that might never go away. Me myself would continue to develop the relationship but I would always be nervous that this lying is a character trait. Once trust is broken it's hard to get back and maybe that's why your resentfull. He's ruined things before you've even begun. Are you gonna give him another chance, maybe this has all been one horrible misunderstanding and mistake?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDiovanLestat,
Thanks for the feedback...
Perhaps, I have been naive, but only just met him when he told me he hadn't had anybody over, so had no reason not to believe what he said.
In terms of talking of the past, we both had a very general chat about exes, which is how this came to light.
I feel resentful towards him not his past. In that I resent the dishonesty and therefore mistrust anything he has to say to me.
Which may be the reason I got so worked up and argued with him. He did say that he was concerned that I would judge him when I raised this with him, so that may explain the lies.
I hope this clarifies things a little...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): He has lied about his past. He lied when he said you were the first one that came to his house, he lied when he said he never lived with anyone.
I have no idea why he lies about these things. It's not the lies I'm worried about, but why he would lie about stupid things. You present as aged 30-35 and currently living in the UK. Why would you believe a man has never had a woman in his house. Unless the man is very young, of course this must be untrue. This is a very stupid thing to lie about. It's the equivalent of lying about travelling on a bus. You say he had a long term relationship, well assuming he's the same age as you, of course he's had girlfriends and important ones before.
His lying makes no sense. Unless he senses that you might be jealous about his past. I can understand you feeling hurt about the lies but why should you feel resentful. That makes no sense, unless your a jealous type of person. You say the past should remain in the past, but this makes no sense, because you talk to him about past girlfriends. You need to talk to this guy, not argue, but talk to him honestly and ask him what is going on in his head, and why he feels the need to lie about such stupid things. Please update us on your situation because I for one have no idea what is going on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): I don't think your being at all unreasonable. And I think you are right about him not having high self esteem...But being in a relashonship means being honest about everything (Not going into gory detail, but honesty.) Perhaps the two of you could try couppls therapy. You have to get this straightened out now, because in the future, it will only get worse...Best of Luck Sweetie
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): No,you have every right to be mad.Lies ruin relationships
and give you trust issues.If he lies to you about anything else or he feels like he has to lie about everything,then
break up with him.
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