A
female
age
26-29,
*lue Jeans
writes:I've known him for about six months. I got really close to him very quickly, and he was the one initiating conversations and asking personal questions. I ended up telling him the problems I have (drug addiction, severe anxiety, along with depression and all the **** that comes with it). He hasn't judged me and has been there for me, I find him wonderful for that, especially since I usually have a hard time connecting to people and have few friends. To my surprise, he soon started making advances on me and we've messed around. Now to be clear, we both knew we could never have a relationship since he is in a position of authority over me and way out of my league, while I am half his age. I was happy with the relationship as it was, but he suddenly started pulling away and going days without texting me... I thought he had someone else and just gave him space, but it soon became clear that he didn't. I still have no idea why he did that, but it really angered me. So I got really **** up and texted him one night, some horrible words. I texted back to beg for forgiveness in the morning, but he ignored my texts... I thought that we were done.Fast forward one month, he texts me back. A really sweet and long text about how he hopes I am getting better and he would like to take me out for lunch so I can tell him how I've been doing during the past weeks. It really surprised me since I was "over him" (I got a boyfriend, broke up on him, and started talking to an old ex in the meantime... and I am currently seeing another guy); even though we've never been in a relationship it was hard for me. I ignored the invitation but we started talking again, with him initiating and being all sweet and stuff like at the beginning. This was over three weeks ago; now we're still at this point, but the problem is... He won't see me. Every time I invite him over (he used to come regularly) he changes topic or teases me. He tells me that he's sure I'm dreaming of him, that I really want to see him, etc... Sometimes he even tells me he is going to come and then I dont hear from him for a whole day or he finds an excuse. He is obviously enjoying this, and he won't even leave me alone since he texts me frequently and is very playful and nice by text. Oh god he is a grown man but acts like a 5 year old. So what should I do to get him to come back to see me again? Stop answering his texts? Just try confront him over and over until he can't change topic anymore? Or ignore it and just text him like nothing's wrong? Idk I feel this is pointless, I really want him to be there... Help pleaseAlso, this is NOT an affair he is single, I am seeing another guy but I don't plan to commit.
View related questions:
affair, broke up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Blue Jeans +, writes (15 April 2014):
Blue Jeans is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi! Thanks a lot for your thoughtful answers. Please don't take it the wrong way, but my question was not about whether what we are both doing is right or wrong, or if I should end this or not. I want to know HOW to get him to come over.I am seeing other guys but its not the same. The one I'm dating now is very different from me and I only do it to prevent myself from spending my days in loneliness and misery. But I would cancel a date with him right away if HE (the guy I am asking about) accepted to see me. I don't think he is nervous about me being "in love" with him or whatever. That's kind of what he was looking after, while I was trying not to let it happen! He would say stuff like "Why don't you just admit that you love me?", "I know I am the most important person to you". Also when we were messing around, and even when we weren't, he kept wanting to french kiss me, which I declined because WTF I would do that with my boyfriend.I am also not sure about him not wanting the relationship to get out in public... He knows I won't tell anyone! I think what we did is indeed illegal, because of his function. But I haven't told anyone and deleted all his texts afterwards for months, and never once threatened him, and never once thought about telling my parents or anyone else. I also think he trusts me, or he wouldn't have stopped talking to me for a whole month... Who knows, I could've just gone crazy one night and spill the beans to my suspecting parents.I didn't give much detail about him, but he is a wonderful person. He would spend nights talking on the phone with me about my drug problem and how I needed to stop. He helped me to reduce the need for these drugs, since I wasn't extremely lonely anymore: someone understood me... I have low self-esteem and he would keep telling me how smart, pretty, and generous I was. And the man has a HUGE ego. He definitely has helped me a lot, and I want him back into my life. I am not in love with him, I would be fine if he got a woman and we stayed just friends. He has told me in the past about other women, and I didn't feel jealousy... On the contrary, I would be happy for him if he would get married instead of just having one-night stands like he does. But... I want him there, I want to hug him and to talk to him. How do I achieve that? How can I get him to stop playing these mind games? I think that's what it is, since he keeps asking me how badly I want to see him, or he tells me that he knows I dream of him and I think of him all the time... This seriously pisses me off to no end since he's acting like a boy, and what I like about him is his maturity. But I feel I have to do the same and stop texting him for him to come back...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2014): He's playing mind-games with you. He knows you're seeing other guys right-away; so he knows his calls and text messages get to you flustered.
You are very young, have a troubled past, and you're a little over your head with an older man.
Continue no contact. He doesn't care how you're doing, he's more interesting in WHO you're doing.
He won't meet you; because he has written you off as the troubled little-girl. He's just keeping a foot in the door; should he decide he wants occasional sex. If he was genuinely concerned, he'd check on you; and leave you alone. He wouldn't lead you on.
You gave away too much information about your problems; and now he will manipulate you with what he knows. He will keep you totally off-balance; because he is older and more experienced. He's making sure he's still on your good-side and you will not make trouble. You lost it, and that made him nervous. He doesn't want any blame for messing you up.
When you answer his text messages. He can always pull you in, and calm you down. He didn't really mean to upset you; and doesn't want to make you sick or tell anyone.
Continue enjoying being young and being with guys your own age.
Older-men are too manipulative; and he's afraid of your relationship together getting out in public. He has to make sure you're calming down and won't make any trouble.
I just hope you were not "under-age." If that is the case, he knows he's in big trouble. I think that bothers him more than anything. If you were having sex with this guy below the legal consensual age in your country, he might end up in jail.
Let him pull away. You know there is no chance for anything permanent or serious between you. It was mostly about sex.
Don't allow yourself to believe it's much more than that.
...............................
|
