A
female
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*cared
writes:Me and my boyfriend are going through a rough patch and the other day he beat me with a chair. Not the first time hes hit me but I'm now debating whether to leave him. I do love him but I'm scared of him and I have no one else to turn to. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2006): Firstly, I will reinforce what everyone else has said by saying it is never right for a man to hit a woman, but nor is it right the other way round. You haven't told us the situation. I'm not saying that he might have had a right to do what he did, but it realy could be something he could be something he regrets doing and wants help for. I mean, was he upset after he'd done it? Did he show remorse? If he did seem genuinly upset, then perhaps he has an anger managment issue, which he can sort out.
A
female
reader, janet +, writes (6 March 2006):
how do you feel about him and do you think he will get help for his aggression. it is not right that he hits you and nor should you stay but if he is willing to get help for his issues then leave him for a while and support him through it before you go back. you never know you might look back on this and think you have made the right choice by standing by him. everyone has issues some worse than others but poeple change and grow and get better. the choice is up to you be be safe in what you decide
janet
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2006): Leave - NOW!
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (5 March 2006):
 He beats you with a chair and you *DEBATE* whether to leave him?
Oh PURLEASE!!!!
He is a nut job and you are asking to be beaten if you stick around for a second helping! Not only did he hit you, but he hit you with an implement.....
LEAVE HIM OR YOU WILL ONE DAY WIND UP DEAD!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2006): when a man hits on a woman, that is a sign of weakness. you do not need to be with someone who feels the need to put their hands on you. you are much better than that. if you stay you will only show him you are just as weak. get out now or you will end up dead or seriously hurt.
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A
female
reader, Angelicc +, writes (5 March 2006):
 i know you still love him but as soon as he hit you he showed that he as lil to no respect for. i know it'll be hard for you to leave him but its for the best. because the more he beats and the more you allow him to, the more respect he loses and you lose for yourself. you need to get away from him and be by yourself. dont jump straight into a new relationship, you need to be by yourself gain some independants and some self respect. once you done that then yyou should try to find someone who will love and care for you.
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A
female
reader, wnabe_ctygrl +, writes (5 March 2006):
you cant possibly love someone that beats you. So leave. If you stay with him you are going to be phisically and mentally abused, and be possibley damaged for the rest of your life, unless you get help. There are better men you you...someone that will love you and treat you right. If they dont treat you right, then they are not right to be with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2006): Life is about living it to the full, and being happy. If u think being beaten is living life to the full then stay, if it makes u happy then stay. but i guess ur not so leave!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2006): Yes, leave him. Being in an abusive relationship is not a love relationship, it's a physically abusive relationship, and NO ONE deserves that. Get out while you still can, he can't hold you back, it's your life and your happiness, and your safety. Get out before he hits you with anything else.
kIND rEGARDS
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2006): Break up with him.. I understand you love him...but you can't be beaten. I don't think he feels the same way...Some will say just talk to him but I say you are to good for him...teach him a lesson by leaving. Maybe it will have some effect on him to change...and I'm sorry this is happening to you...but it doesn't have to.
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A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (5 March 2006):
 Yes...Run do not walk. Men who hit women do not suddenly stop. Fast forward a couple years...now your married to him...or worse have a child. Every complication makes it that much harder to leave. Do it now before any more can happen. You deserve better and no matter how much they love you....they are not relationship matterial.
There are lots of nice men in prison who loved their wifes and girlfriends to death....don't be a statistic...get out.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (5 March 2006):
 No "rough patch" in anyone's life justifies hitting another person. Not with anything. Full stop. No exceptions.
There's no debate here, dear. You HAVE TO get out, and you need to do it now, before the violence escalates.
I don't know where you live, so I can't give you an exact phone number, but if you Google "domestic violence" or go to www.ndvh.org (that's USA) or www.womensaid.org.uk you can find contact phone numbers to help you. People in these organisations are there to help women who "have no one else to turn to", just exactly like you.
They'll tell you what your legal options are and help you with strategies to get away safely. Please ask them for help!
Good luck dear, and remember, you can't "fix" your boyfriend's problem. He IS the problem, and he's getting worse. You have to protect yourself.
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