A
female
age
41-50,
*chauv80
writes:My boyfriend is from Romania and went to college in the the US. he is graduated and gainfully employed. he dated another Romanian girl for 4 years while in college. He gave her a credit card in his name to help her financially (while in college). she ran him $4000 into debt which he paid off now. She hasn't paid him back. She graduated and doesn't have a job. He let her move into his apartment and he moved in with me. He is paying all her bills, including a new Toyota Corolla. He is living with me now and he is paying have the rent and bills at my place. He makes enough money to help her and pay half my bills at the same time. This has been going on now for 6 months and she still doesn't have a job. Is this weird? Do you think he still loves her? Should I be worried? As soon as he said he was going to help her I broke up with him. He said it would only go on 4 months max. then it is 6 m onths and he is still helping her. He said he is doing this because it is really bad in Romania and doesn't want her to go back.What are your thoughts? This is driving me crazy and I don't know if I am overreacting.
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female
reader, schauv80 +, writes (15 November 2007):
schauv80 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your help. This has been really hard on me but he is a really nice guy. His lease is up at his apartment in February and he said after that point he won't help her anymore because he doesn't want to sign another lease. At that point he would have been 100% financially supporting her for 9 months. If she doesn't have a job by then, she will have to get deported to Romania. I think staying around for these next few months will be worth it in the long run because he is a really kind sweet person.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): Codependents are more oriented to other people's reality than their own. They can tell you what everybody else is feeling or needing but have no earthly idea what they want or need. They are the finder, fixer, and Mother Theresa. That is how they see themselves, and where they get their ego fix.
A person's motive for "doing good" indicates whether they are codependent or not. Is he literally giving for fun and for free—or to get some kind of payoff?.
Red Flag No. 1: Do you become obsessed with fixing and rescuing needy people? If you're codependent, you're trying to be someone's savior to make yourself feel good. You give to them with an expectation of return. After all I've done for you, I get to tell you what to do with your life.
Red Flag No. 2: Are you easily absorbed in the pain and problems of other people?
Codependent people can be obsessed with the pain and suffering of the other person. That allows them to sacrifice themselves. It's really learned self-defeating behavior.
Entire article:
http://www2.oprah.com/relationships/webmd/200711/relationships_codependent_b1.jhtml
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (15 November 2007):
 Hi,
I think you are just one of these girls who happens to have picked a very nice man.
Sure I can understand that you feel uncomfortable with him supporting this girl, and lets face it she needs to find a way of supporting herself and she is definitely taking advantage of his good nature. So it wouldnt be out of order to suggest that to your boyfriend that you think his supporting her is not letting her be independent but at the end of the day you think he is wonderful for being so generous and its reassuring to know that if tough times ever befell you , you would know he would be there to support you. If you word it like that i.e. a criticism followed by a big compliment in his direction he can look at it more objectively.
But your boyfriend's generosity should not be something you should split up with him about. I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there who would give their right arm o date a guy like this. Or is it true that nice guys do come last huh?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): Good.
She must have been a big part of his life and maybe because of that he feels it is his duty to help her however he can.
I'd hate to see someone dumped for being a nice guy.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, schauv80 +, writes (14 November 2007):
schauv80 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are together now. I decied to take him back after the breakup.
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