A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I of 1 ½ yr had a fight last night on msn (5 hrs long). It was an emotionally fight with no yelling at each other. He is to come over and stay for the weekend coming up. His friends called him and arrange to hang out. He said he will still come over after they are done (2 hrs drive). I didn’t want to be stuck at home so I arrange to see two of my guy friends. My bf doesn’t like my best friend (a gay guy) who I’m going to see. He believes the best friend has a negative effect on me. He said whenever I’m with the best friend, I will turn into a self centered individual. Of all the argument my bf and I have in the past, it was all surrounded by my best friend. He doesn’t like him and doesn’t want me to hang out with him at all. I feel like he’s intruding my personal life. He said he is not going to stop me, just that if I care about his feeling, then I would make the right choice. I’m torn between the two of them. My best friend I ignored him since I met my bf and my bf thinks my best friend will ruin the relationship between us. What should I do? There’s no perfect model answer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): Hi, so your boyfriend is effectively wants you to break up your friendship with your best friend? This doesn't sound like a very nice thing to do at all. If your best friend were really a bad influence on you then I would understand his views out of concern for your well-being but it sounds more like your boyfriend doesn't want you to be friends with him because he makes you a more confident person and happy person? That is what I get from him feeling that you become "self centered".
I believe your boyfriend has a right to not like your friend, but he has no right to tell you not to see him, or to allow any kind of arguments to develop of you seeing him. Your boyfriend is manipulative by saying you would make the right choice. He means the right choice according to him!
It sounds like you want your boyfriend and want your best friend and to do that you are going to have to reason with your boyfriend. Simply do not allow yourself to have 5 hour(!!) argument over something that shouldn't even need to be debated. Tell your boyfriend that his comments have been noted but that your friend is a great friend to you and that is how it is. I also think, personally, that your boyfriend should make an effort to get to know your friend. Many people don't realise how it affects a relationship when they dislike their partners friends. A person's friends tell a lot about a person and, to an extent, if you criticise someones friends you are criticising them too.
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