A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. I recently found out that he hasn't completely gotten over his last relationship. It's not that he wants to get back together with her or still loves her, but that he can't get over the fact that she completely changed out of the blue. He has trouble trusting in relationships now. I am going into professional school next year and will likely make more money than him in the future. He thinks that this increases the likelihood that I will eventually find someone I like better and leave him, even though I can't imagine doing so right now. He also thinks that because we have different backgrounds and our families are very different, that he could just as likely do the same. Basically he feels that everyone can change unpredictably and has trouble trusting in the success of our relationship. I love him and he says he loves me, and if everything turns out right, I feel like he's the man I would marry, but this issue keeps our relationship from growing. Not only that, these doubts keep coming back periodically for him and leaves both of us hurt every time. What can I do?
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male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (8 April 2007):
 The ball is really in his court. It is him who has to pull his finger out and actually realise that if he wants things to work then he has change his attitude. Yes, he may have issues with past relationships but he is with you now and he should be making the most of it, without thinking about the things which may never happen. You can't be expected to fix these things for him, you can support him but it sounds like he has some insecurities and self-esteem issues which he needs to face.
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (5 April 2007):
 Honey, it sounds like your man has serious self-esteem issues that go beyond that failed relationship.
This guy is damaged goods. Do you want to spend a lifetime with a high maintenance partner?
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