A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey. Ok...so I worked at this place over summer and I met this guy who also worked there...and we kinda got together towards the end (went on a few dates). Then, however, he had to quit and go back to uni, as did I. However, my uni is in London, but he is back in Cardiff now. The thing is that we both decided to continue 'it' and see how it went although we knew we wouldnt be seeing eachother a lot, but I really liked him and wanted to give it a go nevertheless and he also agreed. Its been about 5 weeks since then. However, for like the first 4 weeks everything was going great (well as good as it can get with me here and him in Wales)...we would text eachother pretty much everyday and he genuinely seemed interested. Seriously...there wasnt even one text message that he didnt reply top!! But then recently, for like the past week, he has suddenly stopped replying to my messages, and I have been sending him less as well coz i know he needs his space as well, being a 20 year old boy at uni. But, he doesnt bother texting me either now....and sometimes he will reply...but only when he has to (as in when it concerns him etc). The problem is that...yes i do like him...and a few weeks back, when things were still good, i booked tickets to go to Cardiff to see him for the first weekend in November...and he knows i'm coming. But, he hasnt been properly speaking to me now...its stopped so suddenly, and so i dont know what to do. Its weird if he's not even talking to me properly and if i just turn up in Wales in 2 weeks time??!Furhermore, i DO want to go...only because....i'm not being big-headed or suggesting that i am super hot...but there must've been SOMETHING that attracted him to me...and he hasnt seen me in so long...and being a boy...he's probably forgotten me as a person..and just looks at me as this girl who texts him (coz we dont have much history)!! So..honestly...i feel that once we do meet again, stuff will be ok and back to normal...or if not...atleast we'll know!But..my question is...i still have 2 weeks before Wales...so should i go??? And...how can i maintain some kind of contact until then when he's not really responsive without seeming clingy....coz like i said before...it would be too weird to not even talk to him properly....and then just turn up on his doorstep...
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female
reader, L*  +, writes (3 November 2009):
he wants you to visit him...he's looking forward to it but I wouldn't say that he's thinking of having a relationship with you or anything like that...it's just like two friends looking forward to spending a weekend of good fun together. Well, you should go as he would have told you no if he didn't want you to go...good luck, go and have fun, don't get high hopes about you two being together but after all you never know what might happen. hope all goes well :D
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey!! Sorry for being a pain :S But i took your advice and spoke to him about it....but like i said i had to be careful about the clingyness...so instead of making it a big event...i just sent him a facebook inbox message and tried to make it quite casual...and basically said to him that 'yes i wanted to come, but only if he wanted me too'..and i made it quite easy for him to say no as well... However, he doesnt have internet at home so he didn't reply for the whole day...but then at night he text me instead...saying literally...'hey..i got your message. ofcourse you can come up.the weekend should be good fun'.....so wat am i supposed to take from this?? What do you think this means? Does he like me???
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A
female
reader, L* +, writes (26 October 2009):
I was in the same situation...we were not officially together but when we met up, we acted as such. So since we weren't together, I was always afraid of acting clingy. Well, I don't know what you can do as it's a difficult situation. In my case, the whole thing didn't end well as it ended up with him limiting contact until he plucked up the courage and told me that he met another girl. it was devastating for me but I appreciated the fact he was honest about it. so it's better if you ask this guy and tell him all about your feelings, better to be honest rather than just show up and end up devastated later.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey!! That sounds like a good idea...i've been thinking to talk to him!! But the only thing thats worrying me is that because we're not even officially together...maybe it seems really clingy or like i've been thinking way too much into this...coz i dont wanna come accross as that coz i know thats very unattractive! I just dont know what to say...or how to word it without scaring him off..coz like i said..we're not in a proper relationship where i can easily say whatever i want... I just feel that i'm goona scare him off if i call him up and start asking questions about 'us' coz i dont even know what we are yet...
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A
female
reader, L* +, writes (26 October 2009):
I think the best thing would be to be honest and talk to him. pick a good time (ask him when is a good time for you to call him) and have a little chat with him. ask him if he's looking forward to you visiting him. tell him that you're not sure of his interest anymore. I'm sure you can tell (even by the tone of this voice) whether he's interested and looking forward to your visit...If I were you, I wouldn't visit him before talking a bit and making sure that he WANTS you to visit him. You wouldn't want to turn on his doorstep and feel unwanted. Hope everything turns out well for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey!! Thanks so much for your advice!! But the thing that is confusing me is that he hasn't cut off contact completely...he just doesn't reply as frequently as he used to. Like he used to show a LOT more interest before..and like i said...there wasn't even one text message that he didn't reply too...whereas now he only replies occasionally! SO thats whats confusing me....and i don't know what to do... How come he's sudddenly changed like this...i know he's a boy at uni which is why i am cutting him some slack...but i don't know if i should go to Wales or not now...I don't know if he's replying just to be polite or if he's really interested...
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A
female
reader, L* +, writes (24 October 2009):
talk to him. be honest and tell him that you're feeling that he's no longer interested in you. don't go before you get the chance to talk to him. I know that a face to face conversation would be better but you'd better assure yourself of his interest before you go to visit him and the visit turns sour. I once was in an LDR 'fling' and once he stopped communicating, I figured out that he was just busy so I didn't bother him for a couple of days...until I started getting these thoughts that he might have met somebody new. And I was right as after a few more days, he phoned and said that he had met a new girl. Usually, when men stop contact or appear uninterested, it's because they really are not interested in taking things further, hopefully this is not why your guy has stopped communicating with you. good luck.
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