A
female
age
,
*ueen of Hearts
writes:I have known my fiance for a couple of years but have only been together for about a year. He wants to get married, however, he is very stingy and everything has to be about him. I am open about everything including my bank account however, he will not let me know how much money he has and says he will continue to have his own account and not let me know how much he has after we are married. I told him he has serious trust issues. Because marriage is a partnership and everything I make, I put into the household when he sandbags cash.I know he loves me because he cries and says he will change after we get to the point of breaking up. He gets jealous about my friends and family and says I do not spend enough time with him. I do love him but he is too pesimestic about life and I am a natural motivator. I have tried to breakup with him to tell him he should get his priorities straight first but we are living together and he keeps staying to try to work it out.I do love this man but need to know what to do. He is wearing me out mentally.
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female
reader, Queen of Hearts +, writes (23 June 2009):
Queen of Hearts is verified as being by the original poster of the question Sometimes when we have a question, we already know the answer. We are just looking for Validation. Thank everyone so much for responding to my question. I feel much better knowing that my gut instincts are right.
Queen of Hearts
A
female
reader, ShellyLynne1995  +, writes (22 June 2009):
 If I were you, I would keep my finances separate and break up with him. You are only in Level 1 of your relationship and you haven't even married him yet and you are mentally worn out. I am not trying to judge him, but some people have what is called an "unchangable/rebellious spirit" and that means that no matter how many times he promises you he will change, that will never happen. Just think ahead into the future and ponder for a minute what it will be like married to him-trust issues, unhappy, and even more mentally worn down than you are now. Remember, you are still single, you may be currently engaged, but you can still get out. Another option available would be discussing his "trust issues" with him and your friends and family. You can't marry someone who doesn't get along with your friends and family. I once gave up everything for love that I thought was there. My ex-boyfriend hated my friends and family for no apparent reason and he never had a valid or logical reason why. My friends and family got so sick of me putting him as a bigger priority over them, they were about to ignore me... until I realized he didn't love me anyway. I did everything for him and even loaned him money- I dumped him. Trust me, you'll find another guy who loves your friends or at least your family. Good luck and whatever you decide to do, personally, I would dump him.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (22 June 2009):
 I would agree with eyeswideopen, but I would also add that if you're interested in trying to salvage this, then a good old-fashion heart-to-heart is long overdue here. Going out on a limb here, has he been married before, or had some other long-term relationship that went south? If so, then he's carrying baggage that he's got to dump before you to can go forward. If not though conversations with you, then couple's therapy or a therapist on his own.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 June 2009):
 Whatever you do, keep your finances separate and do not marry him. If he is wearing you out already imagine how tired you will be a couple of years down the road. From your post, he really doesn't seem like the right guy for you. I think maybe some time apart is called for here.
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