A
female
age
36-40,
*abe0201
writes:My fiancé and I been arguing a lot about money lately. He don't want me to help my family in any way, just want me to save for our wedding. What pisses me's dat he bought himself a car 3 months back and cannot save for a wedding as he's paying for a car. I lost my job early dis year and using my savings to help my family. Does his behavior determines his future behavior? Does this mean we'l hav same problems even when we'r married?
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female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 "Does his behavior determines his future behavior? Does this mean we'l hav same problems even when we'r married?"
You are what you are. People may change, but they don't change their core characteristics. This is who he is. And why would he change so drastically because you're married. Being married is not some magical, life altering state of mind. People are still people. If you're a liar, you're a liar. If you're selfish, you stay selfish once you get married. If you're funny, your sense of humor will carry over in the future.
This man is telling YOU to save money for the wedding, even though you're not working. And not only that, but he himself has made a decision to buy a car, so all his money is going to car payments. So in fact, you are saving and paying for this wedding all on your own. If that doesn't make you realize that you're with one selfish and nasty person, I don't know what will do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): You family know you lost your job so why would they take from you? How would they want you to help them from your saving? What would they do if you didn't have a saving? If your family are sick then that's understandable.They know that you're saving for your wedding.Not trying to be hard on your family but I know how some families will take their children last dime a don't care how their children will make it. My friend's mother is always at the casino and doing whatever she wants to do with her money and always hounding her children for money, she doesn't care how her children pays their bills just so she get it. Some people don't care who they take from.So yes!!!! As long as you are the backbone of your familyyou will always have this problem even when you get married, so your fiance did the right thing by buying himself a car at least he get to see something he worked for. He bought the car because he does not want to marry you because he know he will have to help you and your family.Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 July 2012):
 To answer your two questions:
yes and yes.
Continue to help your family if they need it and you can, they will always be there for you. However you need to discuss a savings plan with your boyfriend, work out how much you can put away for the wedding every month and ask him how much he can save for the wedding. If he says he cant because of the car, ask him what is more important, having a car or having a wedding. There needs to be balance in the relationship, or it will not remain strong and true.
good luck!
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