A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend very much...we've been together about 4 months now...but recently I've just been getting really angry at him..he doesnt have a job or go uni, so this annoys me as i work very hard so he doesnt understand why i like him to be on time when i finish work for example. i don't want to break up with him but the tensions getting worse and i can't control my anger..because of me we argue alot and i do feel bad having a go at him all the time but i can't help it. How can I stop this...and why am i getting like this in the first place!? it's so irritating for me..let alone how he must feel. x Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): It seems that is her question as well. Why is she getting angry?
I'd say it's becuase you feel like you work really hard, you feel productive, You probably even help him pay for many things and you are building up resentment. It's hard for people who work really hard to see others doing absolutely nothing.
It seems like harword is an important quality that's in yourself and therefore a quality that you expect other people to have as well.
You can stop yourself by looking at the way he feels: Does he ENJOY sitting around all day with nothign to do? Have you asked him this.. does he feel worthless and insecure becuase he WANTS a job but can't seem to get one, or because he wants to be at school but has failed in the past and now is scared to get out there, or can't afford it?
Or is he just a lazy blob who doesn't want to do anyhting? Who thinks he can lye around in life and have other people take care of things for him?
If his reason is the primary, then try to undestand. It really is hard to sit aorund and not do anything and feel worthless. You are making him feel worse about himself by yelling at him.
If he reason is the latter, then maybe it's time for you to move on to someone who you feel is just as fulfilled and motivated as you are.
But to stop yourself from becoming angry at people, you really must have empathy.
|
