A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupidAm stuck in a rut and really confused as to what is going on and what do i do now.I have this male pal whom we've been chatting and talking via phone for the last 6 months, at first we started out just being pals, talking about anything ranging from work to relationship and even personal happenings in our lives, however, we often joke around about the issue of actually sleeping together and its always been cool cos well i thought it was just a joke.Recently though, we've started talking more often and longer than usual, sometimes for most of the night till the following day, and that has sort of messed with my emotions, am single and so is this male friend but he does have lots of casual sex buddies, i did think though that maybe when he is ready to give up the game, we can have something, but recently his behaviour has completely messed with my head.As was the case before, he still tells me all about what he gets up to and how many people he's doing it with, but recently he's slept with 3 people all of whom i know, not close friends or associates, just people i know and this bothered me so the next time he joked about us sleeping together sometime in the future, i falt out told him NO and that It will never happen between us because of his recent activities, he claims i am judging him because he was honest and open with me and hung up the phone.We havent't spoken since then, i haven't tried contacting him and he's obviously still sulking.Now i have 3 questions.1 WHY did he act that way (getting angry and defensive)? Could it be that he has developed feelings for me?2 WHAT do i do if thats the case?3 HOW do i handle his player reputation, i don't want to end our friendship by becoming lovers if its not gonna work?I miss our friendship because not only can i open up to him, he understands me and can finish my sentences for me, just like i do with him, Risking it for mere sexual encounter is not something am prepared to do, and neither am i willing to have a relationship with him if he's going to carry on like he does now...............................HELP ME PLEASE, WHAT DO I DO?
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (1 May 2008):
 He is a player. Of course he got angry he wanted to add you to his collection and now sex is out of the question he's no longer interested. If he talks to you about what he's doing to other women he is not interested in a loving monogamous relationship with you - dont be surprised if he starts suggesting orgies with these other girls next!! Go find a nice man to keep to yourself x
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 As a female I must say that I agree with Collaroy. If a male friend of mine kept talking about sex with me I would be uncomfortable in what he really wanted with me. It sounds as if the relationship was built on almost flirting and toying around with the idea of a physical relationship. I'm sure you are a wonderful woman but this is about him and not you. I don't think he would be able to toss his lifestyle for you or really for any woman. I agree that eventually he will get tired of this lifestyle but if he really wanted to make some changes in his life he would be doing so now, not talking to you about his latest conquests. I think the way you handled things was perfect and I commend you for it. I think you do have a sort of fantasy crush about him and I don't think your friendship will last if he doesn't get what he's after, sex. I'm sorry but this is not a man who seems to value a wonderful woman. Yes, he is sulking. Give him time and maybe continue the friendship. If he continues to bring up sex tell him your friendship isn't that kind.
Men and women can be friends but not if there is some pent up sexual tension between them. Then it is too hard.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 Hi,
It sounds to me like he has very low self confidence. Most players do, they put out a front to make it look like they are in control but the sleeping around with multiple partners is a sign on needing to be appreciated.
This doesnt solve your problem. Now he has met someone he actually can be friends with not just have sex with but he doesnt know how to deal with it.
The problem for you is that you cannot guarantee that he will change, and no relationship should ever be formed with the expectation that a man will change - they never do!.
Of course as he gets older he may tire of the playboy lifestyle but you are kidding yourself if you think he will suddenly curb his habits just because he starts dating you. How will you feel knowing that everytime he goes out you will wonder if he is meeting up with one of these many girls he sleeps with.
The fact that he badgers you about sleeping with him in the future rather than forming a friendship also suggests where his priorities lay - he sees you as an ultimate conquest - chances are once he gets his way with you he will no longer be interested.
Sorry.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): Well, he does have a point. He opened up to you and now you do seem to have judged him for it. You can start sleeping with him if you want but you're not gonna change him or corral his ways. If he can get into your pants without having to commit to a real relationship first, then he will never really give you and exclusive relationship after he's already getting you.
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