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female
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*hava
writes: Hi everyone,I am completely in love with my boyfriend. I trust him and respect him. He's my first love, but I am extremely uncomfortable with the knowledge that he slept with other people and had previous girlfriends, whilst I on the otherhand, don't really have much of a past. I'm really jealous that he can compare me to other women. He knows all about this problem. But how can I make these feeling stop? How do I accept that he has been inside other women and said 'I love you' to them and I have only had casual dates and no previous knowledge of love? I will never cheat on him, but is it alright to have some urge to even the scale and wish i had a past? Its really eating me up inside. The jealousy i have for his memories is destructive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2006): (sigh) that question mark above SHOULD be a "does not equal" sign, as in "where x equals number of boyfriend's previous girlfriends, x does not equal zero".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2006): This reaction is normal, we all have petty thoughts sometimes. In a case like this, a little fantasy can go a long, long way. Now that your boyfriend has cleared up his past girlfriends with you, you can file them back in some corner of your mind where you need never acknowledge that they existed. Oh sure you know that he's HAD girlfriends, just try and keep it in the most abstract terms possible, like algebra!
where x=number of boyfriend's previous girlfriends, x?0
Isn't that better?
Don't think of these ex-girlfriends in detail to the point where you can imagine him "inside them" or saying "I love you" to them; those are things that you don't need to think about or deal with. They are just a number. He is thinking about them much less than you are.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2006): Forget his past, he is interested in you now and that is all that matters. Obviously, he has been honest and spoken to you about previous relationships maybe you should not have asked, if you did, if you could not handle the answer. If you wish the relationship to last then you must trust that is the answer and if you trust then do not question.
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A
male
reader, GodofGraphics +, writes (19 February 2006):
 If you really really love him, this shouldnt be an issue. You should love him for the person he is with you, the person you are with him.His past is past, I'm sure we've all said and done things we regret, and dont mean. Think about your present, your future. If you want to make love to him, you will have to accept the fact he has had other women, but now he is with you. If he really did love the other women he would be wit them.Maybe he didnt really know what love was until he met you?Men are strange beings, beleive me. I'm one of them.GoG
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