A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am running through the most terrible phase in my life. I have been dating a guy for over a year now and in the beginning he was really sweet and was coming on too hard on me. He tried everything till I let him in. After life 5 months he started to change not dramatically but Ii felt that he has changed and I knew why because he had a health problem.. since day one we agreed that our relationship would be ending to commitment and marriage after testing each other for the first 5 months. and he fulfilled his promise as we turned to be on the same wavelength and that we found out that we truly are a match. He came and met my parents. Now it has been a year. The problem with him to come and do a serious step is that he has serious financial problems and can't afford any of the engagment or marriage requirments. There is another problem with him is that he constantly lies to me not because he is cheating on me or anything but because he always wants to find excuses not to lose me and to keep me. I know that he loves me but not as much as I love him and he thinks that I am the best girl at all levels that he has ever met. I know that he knew 30 girls before me and slept with like 20 others but he wants to marry me. His ego is up in the sky to confront me that he has financial problems. He thinks that if he tells me that then this will undermine him. Whenever I open the topic of us and give him ultimatums as in he should come on a certain date to propose otherwise he should consider it over, he always escapes. He will have to travel for a training course soon and his salary would be better but not to the level that after he returns back he'll propose right away because the difference in salary wouldn't be the one that will solve all his financial problems especially that he also affords his family in the absence of the father. I don't know what to do? Should I wait for him especially that he's not frank with me about the essence of the problem and just want to keep me as long as he could or should I lose hope in him especially that I can't imagine being with anyone else but him? I adore him to the level that I can't breath and go on with my day withought him being in my life or withought his call. It's like he's the air that I breath. My parents are pressuring me all the time especially that he's not doing a serious move. Am I wasting time with him? Should I wait for him especially that I am growing old and I already waited for over a year, what should I wait for other years to come especially that there are no guarantees without actually being proposed to and I don't know and doesn't he either when his financial problems be over? Would I be wasting more years in my life for something that is not certain. I wanted to break up with him more than once, but he keeps on saying that he doesn't want to lose me and he wants us to be.. He wants our relationship to succeed. I love him a looooooot, what should I do? Do I confront him, but he escapes that all the time? Seriously I am cluless:(?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ms.sherri +, writes (14 October 2008):
 If you cannot see yourself without this person I would advice you to be patient. Usually when a man wants to take the relationship to the next level he goes through how can I do right by the woman I'm in love with and of course come the financial repsonsibilties. So I would be patient, and work on myself. Stay strong and who you are because you have so much to offer and the special person in your life is only a part of it. Once he sees you are strong, calm, and taking care of you and your business, he will come along and won't feel pressured. So in a loving way stay who you are and only bettering the qualities that made him fall in love with you. Patience is the key. Not over thinking your relationship and get you totally together. Mentally physically and spiritually. It works. And it will work 4 you. Huggs. Toi
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