A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok I will try and keep this as short as poss. I was single for 3 years, mainly because I was going through a really hard time mainly due toCourt case I was sexual abuse for 5 years as a child and I finally took it to court 20 years later.A relationship ending shortly after thatThe death of my mother due to cancer, I am an only child and we were very close. My father is elderly and can't do much for himself.So I have been quite vulnerable and stressed out the last few years.Then through a blind date I meet a guy, we got on fantastic and it went really quick, didn't leave each other for about 4 days!Then he tells me he was married, just separated 5 months and in the progress of selling their home etc. They work at the same job and she had an affair with another colleague and she was quite abusive towards him.I was taking aback by this as the guy was only 26, younger than me. I said at the time was he sure he wanted a relationship as it was very soon after his separation. I told him all I had been through and said I didn't want any more hurt in my life. He promised he was sure he wanted a relationship with me more than anything.A few months after he said he couldn’t handle a relationship, that I was the best girl he had ever met and so on. We got on so well that I persuaded him to take a break because we both agreed we had something really special. I have never had a guy be so keen on me or nice, he was a real gentleman.After a few weeks into the break he came running back, said he had missed me so much and that he was now ready. I thought this was great and we jumped back straight in. We got on so well, no games, we were loves young dream.At the same time he had hurt himself at work and was unable to go back. So he was off sick for a few months, I knew he was getting depressed so I was being extra nice to try and cheer him up.A few weeks after he decided again that he didn't want a relationship and that this time he wasn't feeling it between us.I am finding this so hard to believe as the guy was so keen; he even bought me round home cooked food when I was sick. He told me he fell in love quickly and wouldn't be making the same mistakes again.His friend told me that he is really messed up and that he doesn’t know what he wants. Sometimes he’s calling him all the time and then he doesn’t hear from him for weeks. He always keeps changing his mind on what he wants to do in the future, like one min he is moving to London, then Australia then Portugal.I just miss him so much the thing was I really did think he was the one.The chemistry between us was great, but is it possible I was the only one feeling it? It didn’t seem that way. Please any advice much appreciated.Thanks all.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (24 September 2007):
 you need someone who is able to sustain a relationship without going hot and cold.
i think it's better if you go your seperate ways and athough he loved you one time, he's not ready to settle down in a relationship because he doesn't know what he wants.
good luck
A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (24 September 2007):
you need someone who is able to sustain a relationship without going hot and cold.
i think it's better if you go your seperate ways and athough he loved you one time, he's not ready to settle down in a relationship because he doesn't know what he wants.
good luck
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (24 September 2007):
 I just think he is confused and hurt by his divorce and i think he jumped into a relationship before dealing with his emotions i think he just wanted to feel loved and safe. But as he keeps coming back i think the feelings were mutual but it is so unfair to keep going hot and cold on you, i dont think he really knows what he wants or what to do give him some space and if he comes back then great and if he goes off again suggest him going to talk to someone about how he is feeling, but if he just keeps coming and going all the time and isnt making you happy then maybe its best just to leave it.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 September 2007):
 Apparently you were not the only one who was feeling love, but, you need him to be consistent. If he's been through a lot, he should be all the more careful with the good person he has in life. It's not only his needs that matter; yours matter, too.
I wonder if he is coming back your way. But, don't push it. And, if he comes back, tell him you're heartbroken and you need him to be very serious about getting back to you. That he won't have another chance if he makes a mess again. And, do; dump him if he won't get serious this time.
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