A
female
age
36-40,
*sabella111111
writes:Totally shattered. Please read -I have been with my boyfriend since one year. All the relationships I've been in before, the guys cheated on me. I was emotionally vulnerable when I met my present boyfriend, we had common friends. Both of us are in our twenties. We had this connection, and our feelings towards each other were mutual. He was so good to me, he cared for me, every time we were together we had so much of fun. He said he loved me and I said that to him too.But because of all that I had gone through in my previous relationships, I did not trust him completely, though I loved him. So much.Yesterday, he kept his emails open while he got a call. Though I didn't want to, I went through them. And what I saw made me numb all over. He has been cheating on me with another girl the whole time we were together. They have exhanged so many emails, and in each one they have expressed their undying love for each other and how they want to be with each other (she lives in his home country).He used to tell me the same thing. About how he loves me and wants to be with me forever. We have even spoken about marriage.I confronted him and he accepted it and talked to me about it. Said that he's been in an online relationship with her from some years. And he told me that he wanted to break up with her soon. He said he loves me and its me who he wants to be with. He actually begged me not to leave.I was in a state of shock and told him I want time to think. I am in my sister's house right now. I can't believe he did this to me. I got cheated on again.What do I do now? Should I trust him and take him back. Or should I just break up with him and let him continue with her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011):
just one thing to say... even if you let him go, other men will cheat on you unless you change your point of attraction.
as u said.. all of them had cheated on you?! this is alarming .. please read about the law of attraction ..
what happens with this guy is not as important as what will happen with every guy you hook up with ..
A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (24 June 2011):
get rid if he is cheating on you he will lower your self esteem and confidence you will never be able to trust him if he doesnt reply to your texts or calls for a while you will find yourself wondering what he is up to and if he goes out with his mates you will constantly be wondering what he is doing who is he with i know i have been there and it is the worst feeling in the world you will never be able to trust him you deserve so much better than this
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A
female
reader, hilary +, writes (24 June 2011):
 He is not worth it. Dump him. The real issue here is your lack of confidence and self esteem. A person who values themself would not even consider being with such a dishonest and selfish man. Until you get help with your confidence issues you will always attract liars and users.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): Its happened to me also. it hurts so much because you dont know who to believe get the girls email and let her know that you were with him TELL HER all his lies I did and then he was left with no one dont let him get away with it GET HER EMAIL! talk to her ! Good luck xXx
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Trust him? There's nothing to trust. He's shown you just how trustworthy he can be. You're much better off without him than to continue in a relationship where you can't trust the man you are with.
He's full of lies, if he really wanted you he would have ended it with the online girl before you and him hooked up. He doesn't plan to end it with this online girl, he plans to keep her around because it suits him, without regards to anyone else's feelings.
Take some time to be single now, and not jump into a new relationship because you are vulnerable. Once you have healed you will be able to see clearer, and choose your next boyfriend more wisely.
When it comes to relationships it's all about trust, there are never any guarantees that your partner won't cheat. But talk to them, get to know their character and their past (once a cheater always a cheater), look at their actions and how the deal with other things in their lives, how their morals are, what their values are etc. Also look to their friends, you can judge a man's character by his friends. If they are lying cheating scumbags, or two timers... watch out.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Hi,
Sorry... I know what you're going through for my own experience.
I know it all, felt, deal with it, roller coaster emotions, anger, sadness, anxiety, crying, confusion, you named it.
This is a different situation? This girl is living in another country? Its not physical, but emotional. I know, doesn't make any better, because he has been lying to you from the beginning. Uhmmmm..???
I don't understand him? Have they ever met face to face or is this just an online thing?
You said, they've been doing this online thing for years? I don't get it? How does this work? Anyhow!??
What do you want to do? Do you love him enough to forgive him and give him another chance?
If this was a regular cheating, I'd definetely say no, but really this is up to you.. Believe in your heart, your gut feeling, do what you want and be happy...if you feel your love for him is strong enough and you feel his worth giving another chance, then go for it. You're here, she's not!!! Think of this way, 'emotional cheating" still cheating. But, who knows this online thing might have never work and who knows you might have lost something special..
Am I making sense?
So your decision depends on:
*have they ever met?
*years? But, online only?
*do they actually know what they look like?
If you decide to go give him another chance, let him know that you feel betrayed and lost trust in him. That he needs to be open and honest about everythig for now on. That after a year together, to you this is a new beginning and he needs to re-gain your trust.
***
About past cheating? I know its hard to overcome trust issues. I also have my own doubts at times, but I learn and push myself not to control my future decisions. I refuse to be scared and I don't want to miss an opportunity with a great, deserving guy and don't want to punish him for my past loosers.
I browse so many websites about cheating, infidelity..read books and they're right most of the times about everything, but one thing I never did was to blame myself? I never felt it was my fault and I am glad. I hope you don't blame yourself either! Because it was never your fault! Just know that..
Good luck and hope you feel better soon. Also, hope you find the right answers and make the right decision.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (24 June 2011):
Dump him. It should have only taken him a few weeks, a month at best at the beginning of your relationship to figure out which one of you he wanted to be with.
To lie to you for a whole year shows this guy to be incredibly deceptive. Let's be realistic, how could you possibly trust him again? You may want to, but seriously? Put this in to proportion, could you imagine you having done this to him? It's really bad, and don't for a minute think it isn't.
Break up with him, work on your confidence and on yourself, this guy did not deserve you, show him this, by dumping him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): He consistently cheats, so finish it.
I think the underlying problem is that you keep getting involved with people who cheat. It may be worth having some counselling to resolve this and give yourself the confidence to not put up with it. There could be some self-esteem issues here.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (24 June 2011):
Just break up with him!
He has been cheating on you for your entire relationship. This shows he has no respect for you. It's disgraceful behaviour.
Show yourself some respect and please do not take him back. You can do so much better. Don't give him another chance, he most certainly does NOT deserve it.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): If he has continued this online romance 'for some years'. The chances are that he has behaved this way with other girlfriends before you. So he is not just a cheater, he is a serial cheater. Given that he has basically lied to you and been having this online relationship for the whole time you have been with him. I would say, he is a lost cause and it is time to move on. You deserve so much better.
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