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female
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anonymous
writes: I have got involved with my best friend, but he is also seeing someone else. They have been seeing each other for over 3 years, but they lives miles apart and only see each other on holiday, snatched days etc because she lives with her partner.It has come to crunch point where she has been saying for 6 weeks that she is going to leave her partner, but nothing has happened yet. I have tried pulling out of the relationship with my best friend because its all too complicated and I don't want to get hurt. But he gets upset when I do this. And so do I because I want with all my heart to be with him. He says he really wants to be with her and has it in his head that he will be with her. But its putting him through turmoil all the time. He can't go on like this and I keep telling him he has to get a definate decision. Until then I can't move forward. If he does decide to go with her and she does move in with him how will I cope?
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male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (19 December 2005):
 To this situation I will tell you that I used to do this sort of thing when I was younger. The only regret is that I was really stupid for doing that and truely apologize to any woman I ever hurt. I felt as long as the door was open or the grass was greener on the other side then I would take advantage of the situation. In other words; If it didn't work with one girl I had something to fall back on. That's a bunch of bullsh*t. Tell him right now to his face that either he will be with you or without you whether he like it or not and that your not a "settle for" kind of girl. Your heart will mend if it ends but your ego will not if you wait until you are what he ended up with. If he does love you you'll know right then and there if not you'll stop writing letter that your heart knows the answer too. Your getting played and that's that. GOOD LUCK.
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (17 December 2005):
 Hi dear, I think u have made the right decision by telling him he has to make a definite choice between the two of you. You have shown alot of maturity in this aspects. Its now time for you to put your foot down and be strong. am not saying u should give him an ultimatum no but make him realise u mean what u r saying and u r serious. If he does go to her then he doesnt really love u and its better it ends now than for u to prolong it and it ends later when u have invested more emotions and time in it. Dont think too much about this occupy yourself with alot of activities to keep your mind busy. go out with friends and enjoy yourself. Wishing u the best and i hope everything work out for the best.
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A
male
reader, Qui-Gon-Jim +, writes (16 December 2005):
 Sounds quite complicated... unfortunately, this matter is only something your friend can solve. He has to make this choice on his own. If he is involved with both of you up to the point that he is expressing love, I feel that he is, in fact, lying to one of you.
This may not be what you want to hear, and I'm sorry. All you can do is rest on your faith in him to do the right thing. If, at the end of it all, you come off worse, it looks like time to (of course, firstly recover from the pain - no-one can prevent that) start fresh and be happy you are rid of the situation.
I hope I've helped you out a little, and I hope this confusion can end soon.
Qui-Gon xxx
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