A
female
age
41-50,
*onelygirlinlove
writes:So, I've been with him for over 5yrs, rocky 5yrs anyways. we lived together for almost the whole 5 yrs too. We got an apartment 2yrs ago only for financial and other reasons I can't say, only my name is on the lease. fast forward a year, he starts getting more and more distant. Really hurting me by taking off for thje whole night to go dancing (which has always been "our thing") not coming home til 6am sometimes the next day. It keeps getting more frequent and longer and longer the time he leaves. I don't get it. then he leaves for 3 whole months with some guy doesnt tell me the guys roommate happens to be a girl...grrr. then comes back, then again about 3 months later after him being back he moves out totally to his mothets house 2 streets away. he never asked me how i felt about it and i hate it. he comes by whenever he feels like it still will stay out all night dancing totally excluding me but has the nerve to try to come crawling into bed with me at 6 am in the morning after partying all night w out me!!! Why the hell cant i get away from him??? why do i still love himj? it doesnt help that im financially dependant on him still to keep my apt he pays the electric still. its like he has a totally seperate life from me but still he keeps cpming back to mke and i keep letting him. it HURTS soooooooooooooo bad to imagine life w out him and it makese want to throw up thinking of him w another woman. im crying just thinking about it. i know this story is very vague about the detyails of why he keeps leaving but im just so upset r ight now, im sick too with a nasty cold and cannot sleep its like almost 3am i cant stop crying. why are guys such jerks??? why cant he make up his mind? im not willing to be his part time lover anymore while he "finds and works" on himself. im working on myself but i dont need to run away to do that. i cant take much more of this but at the same time i cant lose my apt i have nowhere else to go. what do i do? your prob all gonna tell me to just leave him but its not that simple...i just want to be happy and dont want to cry anymore and am so tired of sleeping by myself im soooo lonely. i cant even go out and do other things or meet new ppl either cuz i live in the middle of nowhere and have no car thats another thing that i have to depend on him for. i feel so trapped. HELP!!!! i love him so much but dont think he feels the same way anymore and i dont know why and he cant give me a straight answer. i dont wanna hurt anymore, the depression is really getting to me.
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female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (17 September 2011):
You love him sure, but do you deserve to be with someone who constantly makes you cry?
You say you're financially dependent on him, and on his car. That could indeed make it harder for you to leave. He knows that he can do anything you wont leave since you depend on him.
But seriously your life needs to stop revolving around him. You just sit at home and worry about him and you're in an isolated place.
Get your life together. Study or get a job or something to do that will bring up your self worth. He will not respect you as long as he knows he has you under his thumb. Get independent and see life differently. Realise that there's more to being alive than worrying about him. Do yourself a favour....
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 September 2011):
I picked out these four phrases (quoted) from your submittal:
"... he comes by whenever he feels like it...."
"Why the hell cant i get away from him??? "
"....he keeps cpming back to me and i keep letting him..."
"...but dont think he feels the same way anymore..."
Once you can reconcile these four details you can get on with your life.... UNTIL you do so... you'll be stuck where you are with dim prospects for escape.
You predicted that I (we) would say this. YOU KNOW that that's the only "solution" to your problem. NOW, put on your "big girl" panties, puff out your chest, take a deep breath and go get 'em.....
Good luck....
...............................
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