A
female
age
30-35,
*anj
writes:I'm 16 and in my first real long term relationship. We've been together for just over a year, but for at least four of those 12 months, i have been wanting to get out of my relationship. I really care for this guy, but i don't love him.I understand that ending a relationship isn't easy, but i think he's oblivious to my desire to be single, which probably makes it worse.This guy has a history of self harm, and has said that he "can't live without me."I'm worried that he'll start hurting himself (or perhaps do something worse) if i break up with him.I'd like to knowa) if there is an easy way of breaking up with someoneand b) if it is normal for me to feel almost every emotion EXCEPT for happiness right now?Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Janj +, writes (26 October 2008):
Janj is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks guys- i'm still terrified, but i know i've got to go through with this, for his sake, as much as mine. I'm going to try to be as compassionate and sensitive as i can be- nd i'm definately going to tell his parents & friends to keep their eyes on him. Eurgh. It's such a mess, but i really appreciate your advice.
xx
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 October 2008):
There is no easy way to break up with him. You need to calmly explain that you are not happy with the relationship and you want to end it. DO NOT be wishy washy and say something that will give him any hope that this is not the end. Be clear that you do not love him as any thing more than a friend and never will.
Then you have to stay with him until you have talked it all through with him and you trust that he is ok and is not going to overdose.
If he threatens it then tell him how much he would hurt his family if he did that and that you are not worth him taking his life over.
If he gets really bad then call the police and get him sectioned for his own good. If he's got a history of mental illness then he is not going to be in his right mind when he says these things and will need medical help.
If it goes terribly wrong then call for help from his family and friends as well.
Just make sure he has someone who knows what has happened and is there if he needs it.
As for your second question. Yes it is normal to be unable to feel happy in your situation. If you were going to split up with someone who was a suicide risk and you felt happy about it then there would be something seriously wrong with you. You will feel happy once you are out of this relationship and know he is basically ok with it too.
Good Luck!! xx
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