A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok this is my situation:I still have love for my first love but he is in a relationship. I broke up with him due to the fact I felt as if we were to young to settle dwn right away. After six years I met back up with him but he has a girlfriend. We exchange numbers we text and talk all the time, he even tells me things like how much he had missed me and wants me to be the mother of his child even though he has a current girlfriend of 4 years. He has no kids and never been married. All of my feelings came back mushing to me all at once and all of a sudden I feel as though he is giving me mixed hopes. He says he love his girlfriend but not in love with her. But I have been waiting for him to make a decision for 3 mths now, "I have asthma and I'm tired of chasing him". I really really love him but I don't know if I should walk away or wait!
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male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (18 August 2012):
 In my experience, coming from a guy, he is using both of you. He is using one of you for sex and the other for emotional gratification. I too did the same thing as him over a year ago. I told my side girl everything he's telling you and I kept my girlfriend because I loved her.
It's an ego thing. I used my side girl for sex by giving her sweet words. I really did like her a lot but I just didn't love her. My girlfriend on the other hand was not secually satisfying me but I did still love her. It's a dirty game. I'm not proud of it. In the end everyone gets hurt. Get out while you still can.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2012): Why would you even want to wait for a guy who is with someone and is just spinning you all the usual lines to keep you as an option?
If he REALLY wanted to be with you, he'd dump her and be with you... End of!
Its not like he has any long term commitments like children to her so what exactly IS holding him back?
I would walk away, forget about him and then when you feel ready, look for a single guy who knows what he wants.
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A
female
reader, Miss Marble  +, writes (18 August 2012):
 Six years, is a long time and people change. He is telling you that he wants you to be the mother of his child, how much he missed you. He says he loves his girlfriend but not in love with her....what does he actually mean by this? I would also be confused, why is he still with her then? I am sure you have asked this question. He needs to make a choice and until then I think you need to leave him to make that choice.
You coming back into his life may be the wrong time for him because he is in a 4yr relationship and is possibly also confused how he feels. Yes! Walk away and give him the space to make up his mind.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 August 2012):
 Walk away! If he has a girlfriend, his words are worthless. If you've been waiting 3 months to have him break up, then he doesn't want to. Also, what if *you* were his girlfriend? How would you feel about dating a guy who so easily goes behind his girlfriend's back to text an ex telling her that he wants to be the mother of her child?
Come on girl. Think practically on this one! He is emotionally cheating on his girlfriend. He needs to be honest and either break up with her, OR tell you that he can't see you. If he wasn't in love with his girlfriend, it would have been easy to leave her. He's hedging his bets, keeping you in the wings, but not planning to break up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2012): give yourself a time frame for how long you are willing to wait. Some times people take awhile to sort out messy situations like deciding if they want to end relationships. so I think there's no harm in waiting a BIT to see if he's going to budge. But if time is up and he still hasn't left her, then you move on. The key is that you need to determine how long you are willing to wait, communicate that to him, and then stick with it so you don't end up waiting forever while he drags it out taking his own sweet time to decide.
you have to set the boundary and stick with it, for your own good. It's not his problem if you decide to wait for him and he decides he wants to stay with her. It's your problem if you allow yourself to wait longer than you're comfortable with.
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