A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a very good male friend - call him mr x. We get on really well and spend most of our time together when we are at med school. He does have a girl friend back home. However he was in love with another girl at college who turned him down a couple of months ago.He is still not over her. He was willing to leave his gf for her. the prob seems to be that we end up doing things together that are more than friendly. Over the past three months we seem to be getting more intamate physically. Noone knows about this and we keep our distance in public. We are often asked whether we are together and we deny it at all times. I don't know what he feels about me but i can be possesive of him. I don't know where this is going and i'd miss him too much to stop spending time with him (which is prob what should do). there is already two girls in the issue - i don't think i should jump in esp as i am not sure of my own feelings. some advice plz Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have discussed why we do the things we do and we both agree that we are good friends and its better that we stay that way. But we have reverted to our past behaviour which we dont talk about anymore and pretend it doesn't happen. Personally i'd made the decision that i would have an arranged marriage and he always tries to dissuade me from my choice and tells me to make my own choice. I'm prob sending out mixed messages too. What makes the whole situation soo tricky is that people around us constatly assume that we are a couple and treat us like we are. As for the current gf, he wants to get out of the relationship but is uable to do so because she has psychological problems and is currently in counselling.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2007): Ouch! Yikes! I don't think you'll want to hear what I have to say, but here goes. First of all, you are thinking about whether this even cares about you? Stop..stop...stop wasting your time on any guy who is making you desperately wonder if he even likes you! When men love a female and they want her...she knows it, she feels it, she breathes it..no doubts in her mind at all. This guy is not doing that for you. So how about if you stop the 'intimate thing' with this emotionally unavailable man (who already is pining away for two other woman) and just begin looking for an awesome guy who can't wait to love you, give you his everything and be proud to have you on his arm in public. You say you don't know where this is going. Right now, you are on a dead end street with "Mr. Unavaialble Sad and Lonely". He wants to be with this girl who turned him down. And he still has a home town gf is waiting in the background. Any man who has 3 women on the hook, is not worthy of your attentions...I don't care how you feel. If a guy told me that he wanted to sleep (or be intimate) with me but didn't want to acknowlege our relationship in public because he was in love with another woman...his ass would be kicked to the curb. Plain and Simple. So why on earth are you settling for second best?
In a nutshell, if he's being intimate with you with no promise of a future, dating relationship...he is using you. You are merely a pacifier, soothing his hormonal urges and his needy feelings until, a a better offer comes along. He is being very, very uncaring and unthinking. And where will that leave you? Devastated and destroyed. Stop having any and all intimate relations with him, now. Save that for the incredible man you will meet someday who will give you his full attentions, his affections and love. You are worth so much more than what this guy is giving you. And please, learn to discern a man's intentions with you, based on smart thinking and watching his behaviours.
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