A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex and i broke up over two years ago and didnt speak much but suddenly started to again in the summer..I have really strong feelings for him still as i lost my virginity to him. We meet up today as im going away for a month and he asked if when i get back would i want to give it another go, i said i did.But its not as simple as it seems, im only 17 and my parents hate him and he has two children. I myself dont have a problem with this but i know my friends do and my parents would deffinatly!Any advice on this would be really appricated!Thankyou x
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): spelling check: I mean 'bodies" not "bidies"
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): A gree with the male anon, psoter below me. Think, girl--listen to your parents and friends. You are buying into this guy's excess baggage that could haunt you for the rest of your life, if this relationship was to go the distance. You have an ex bf who is a father to some very young children...likely babies. Getting one female pregnant accidently, is a mistake. Sadly, it happens in life. But... turning around and getting another young female pregnant is being outright irresponsible. It's apparent in the 2 years since he dated you, he enjoyed having warm bidies arund without forethought to the consequences of having sex. Sex is an act that requires careful pre-thought. It may be a wonderful way to get acquainted with a female, but sex is like dynamite...it's super-powerful and it can blow up one's life and future. It changes hearts and it greatly can alter lives. He is now on the hook to financially support, and emotionally guide and aid these females to raising his children, for the next 18 years.
Dating a person has a purpose. We date, mate in that ever relenting need as humans, to love and be loved. Sometimes, relationships work out...sometimes not. Would if this relationship ends up being long term? Good chance it might as this guy is special to you. He took your virginity, you dated him, there are heartfelt feelings, you both have a history together. So let's theorize on the possibility this relationship lasts. How are you with kids? Are you up for visitations with very small kids who have emotional needs to be taken care of, 24 hours per day? Are you ready to be a 'step-mother' to these kids? And what of the Mothers? The ex gf's? Are you up to having them calling your man, all the time with issues, problems and decisions that have to be made in regards to the children? Are you willing to see a good chunk of his pay cheque go towards the care and support of these kids? Child support is not cheap, hun. Ask any divorced Dad who is paying it, just how costly it is.
Is raising other people's kids, the life you had set out for yourself? So you need to strike a balnace here. IS raising children vs. feeling mushy toward a guy who took your virginity, really worth it. If you state yes, then you are dreaming and you need to realize the impact that this will have on your young life. At 17, you should be having fun, dating a variety of guys and being sexually responsible. You should be planning your future, living out your dreams of education and career. You should be empowering your life, by moving out of Mom and Dad's home at 18 and getting your first apt, paying rent, paying your bills, buying your first car, travelling the world, learning and developing yourself....becoming a strong, independent young woman.My opinion. listen to your folks. They want what is best for you. Why? Because they love you and they know what your future will hold if you go with the guy with all this baggage. Find a guy who has a hell of a lot more to offer you. If you do, you'll never, ever regret it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): Your family is just using common sense.
I don't know what age this guy is, but he's got two kids with two mothers so he's obviously prone to impregnating his girlfriends out of wedlock. Get my drift?
Please don't exucse him with "both of those children were accidents that just happened." There are millions of men & women out there who have been sexually active for 20 or 30 years and it never "just happens" to them. And yet your BF has had it "just happen" to him twice already. That's really the bottom line.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey are from different mothers, he wanted to move in together and become a family which is why they didnt work out. He gives both the mothers money every month, and see's the children when the mothers allow.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): What type of Dad is he? Does he actively and lovingly participate in the lives of these children? Are these two children of his...a relationship as in a marriage or are they children from two seperate Mothers? Is he financially responsible for these children? Whom do the children live with?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry i left it out before but he's 20.
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male
reader, mattbea +, writes (4 January 2008):
 hey well it doesnt give a big picture to what your saying, but im going to give this a shot, this is what i think but would you not want to start a fresh relationship with somebody you have not had bad experiences with.. plus who your friends and family will like as ive had bad experiences with my ex's family and friends and it can be damn difficult to get by, especially at xmas times and family parties they have and you dont get invited (its pretty annoying!!!) you can get by all that but is it really worth the hassle? people do say that it doesnt matter what family/friends think but when you have problems in a relationship with whoever your with arent your friends/family the people you need advice from? which is the case and arent they only going to say bad things about him and say get rid? more than likely! Im not a player as you want to call it but I lost my virginity on a one night stand and it was annoying to find she was just a tart but hey them bad things in life are lessons to learn from :D
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): The reality is that your family etc have a problem with it because at your age (sorry to sound so old fashioned) in their eyes you don't need to tie yourself to this situation with additional responsibilities of children etc. You are so young and can have total freedom. There will be lots of guys without this level of commitment / responsibility. If you were 20 years older it would be much more likely that a guy you met would possibly have children and you could accept this more easily. Please try and see it from their perspective and also really ask yourself some deep questions about how you would feel maybe having your plans changed because of his parental duties etc. Think about YOUR life and your future. He is not wrong but his circumstances need more thought. Either way the decision must be yours and not other peoples.
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A
female
reader, Serinity  +, writes (4 January 2008):
 Stop wasting your time on this guy, you're just setting yourself up for heartache. You're too young to be hung up on a guy with two kids already. By that I assume this means he's quite a bit older than you? It's been 2 years already, why get yourself back into something that didn't work in the first place. We all lose our virginity at some point in our lives, it doesn't mean we need to stay hung up on the person that we gave it up to. You deserve better and trust me, better will come, you just need to be patient. Good luck dear.
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