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He hangs out with my ex-best friend... Should this bother me?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 May 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 23 May 2010)
A female Aruba age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Honestly, should this perturb me?

Back in the day, I had this best friend whom I've been friends with since elementary: we'll call her Sophie. Sophie and I were best friends up until just a couple of years ago; after I had a very rough break up with my then-boyfriend, I found out they'd been seeing each other while I was still with him, and began dating immediately after we broke up. Of course there was lots of commotion and anger and hurt, and I was upset that Sophie could ever do something like that to me after having known her for most of my remembered life.

Keep in mind all this transpired two or three years ago.

Present day: my new boyfriend whom I've had for a little over a year now (we'll call him Jake), has a group of friends who happen to hang out with Sophie on a regular basis. As such, he is around her a lot and even I've been thrown into the mix, having to be in her presence as well.

Jake thinks I'm being unreasonable and that I should live and let die with the whole thing, but I can't get over my deep despising of this girl. At the same time I don't want to be overbearing to him or demand him not to hang out with his friends just because she's there.

Agony Aunts (and uncles!), am I out of line/ need to just get over it? Or are my feelings not entirely unreasonable? What's your opinion on the whole scenario?

View related questions: best friend, broke up, my ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Oh lord, there's more. I just peered in on his facebook (which is probably a no-no, but I go to it daily and comment his things and such), and I saw that he had added her as a friend on facebook.

(AAAHHHHHH)

Of course, being the red blooded woman I am, I had to get on and snoop. He did in fact add her, not the other way around. And upon glancing quickly around on her page, I see that she has a few pictures of all "the guys" in them... including him.

I promptly deleted her, but now I feel like I've gone too far. I'm very upset. Am I overreacting?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010):

no your not unreasonable at all..i understand you perfectly..dont stop your boyfriend from hangin wit his friends an dont leet him force you to like her..you can be respectful without liking her...but what you should really do is be her friend because shes sneaky..that way youll keep an eye on her..keep your friends close and your enemies closer

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