A
female
age
41-50,
*kyy37
writes:Hello. I have been seeing a guy for three months. He is 38, divorced with four children (they don't live with him)I am 35 no kids. I like him a lot, he told me that he really liked me and said he wanted to take things slow (despite the fact that he tried to sleep with me the first week we started seeing each other). Anyway, this Tuesday I finally felt comfortable enough to have sex with him, yes it took three months. The problem is it is Saturday and I haven't heard from him. I am so disappointed; I just didn't expect a 38 year old father of four to act so immature! I sent him a text Wednesday afternoon and another one Friday, I need help; I am tempted to call him and even if I get voicemail I just need to politely get how I am feeling off my chest would this be a mistake?By the way...he had sex with me twice that night and wanted to go another round but I had to go to work the next morning; had to leave was getting late...so I can't say that he didn't call because he didn't enjoy the sex or maybe I'm wrong.Thanks
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divorce, immature, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): I think this man is acting like a total pig! If I were you I would take this as a red flag and get out while you can. Do you really want to saddle yourself with such a selfish, inconsiderate man?
Unless he's dead or been in some serious accident it is just plain rude to not be in contact with someone - I don't care if it is only a few days. A good, decent man would never treat you so thoughtlessly.
I really think you had sex with him far too soon - this is always a big mistake. Take things much slower next time and get to really know the person first.The right man will always wait - so don't feel pressured to give in to those who won't because believe me they're not worth it.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (3 May 2009):
 As usual I fairly well agree with "satindesire" and others that you are very likely a "conquest" and possibly one in a string of his post-divorce affairs to generally enjoy freedom and get-some on occasion. That's pretty much a synopsis of my own lifestyle, lol Sorry, but I always want more. It only gets better.
Anyway, being on the prowl is usually not a sinister intent at all - just a man being very playful. Women do it too, but some of us love-seekers, whatever gender, would prefer something more ongoing.
It is possible this man may just enjoy the conquest. Typically, I'm told by women, guys like that are average or much less in bed.
Unless something rather upsetting or strange occurred on a first night, a good man attracted to and intimate with a good woman would at least call (or whatever) and try to keep it going. It never gets any better after a one-nighter!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (3 May 2009):
 I am really sorry but I think that mental preparation is justified in your case. If the man was busy he could have made 5 mins in his hectic schedule to phone and say 'hello'. He sounds like he was just after one thing and that is ok - you are a grown woman who can move on from this. If he is that cold and heartless to ignore you after sex then I suggest you pat yourself down and think it was definitely his loss...and thank goodness you found out what he was like now, rather than a few years into a doomed relationship! Don't call him again, just leave him alone...and if he does call you in the future with some lame excuses don't fall back in his arms or else you might end getting really hurt and used.
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A
female
reader, skyy37 +, writes (3 May 2009):
skyy37 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is a reply to the first answer that starts with "Relax. You're feeling anxious"...Thank you for your answer first of all. I didn't want to look anxious or desparate but as I was leaving his house he actually said, "are you going to call me tomorrow"...I would have preferred if he called but I sent the text (which was very lighthearted) around 3:30 in the afternoon while I was at work. I will update if he calls but I feel like I'm going to have to mentally prepare myself to move on. It is starting to sink in that the positive things he said to me were to get me to feel comfortable enough to sleep with him. It's just hard at this age, getting tired of the games.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): Relax. You're feeling anxious, and it's showing. Not attractive. As a result, he's feeling like you're a hungry, lonely woman. Divorced people with children have complicated lives. (My brother is divorced with two children.) He needs to feel that he can he have a relationship with you without you interferring with his main focus (hopefully) -- his kids. You've texted him, hours after he rolled off you. Give him some space. He probably has the kids this weekend. If he doesn't call you by the end of the weekend, that's not good. By Thursday, he probably is not going to call you for whatever reason. Certainly move on after next weekend (unless he has a genuine excuse). Give us an update if he calls you:) Also, you waited three months: Don't think badly of yourself -- you're no slut -- but I would think badly of him. You did deserve to to be treated better. Don;t tell him that; don;t give him the satisfaction -- he already knows.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): Sounds like he was after just one thing, love. I could be wrong, but from what you say that seems pretty obvious. Sorry about that.
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