A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do?---My boyfriend and I have been dating for seven months. I love our relationship because we have so much fun when were together. The history of our relationship is this:We started dating in March, when after about a week he ended it because he was concerned about becoming too close and then having to break up because of college starting in the fall.Of course I was hurt because I liked him, but I understood where he was coming from.About a week after that, he told me he missed me and really regretted breaking up, and that maybe it was worth it to be together as long as possible.So we got back together and our relationship was awesome.Then, in June, I went on a week long vacation and found out that 1. he went to lunch and played lasertag with his friend 'lindsey' who, I honestly dont think he has any interest in, but still it makes me extremely jealous, just because thats a very date like activity.and that ^ i found out about two months ago..so we talked about it and i got over it.then only about three weeks ago i found out more things.during the week that we had broken up at the start of our relationship, he had sex with a girl named angel whom he says he hates now and when they had sex it meant absolutely nothing to him.i also found out that during the week i was on vacation he and one of our mutual friends, natalie, hung out one night and he asked her to flash him and give him a blow job..he says the situation was this..she said that since she has no boyfriend, guys have been asking her for sexual favors and it really bothers her.so jokingly, because he wanted to get a rise out of her, he asked her those things.she did flash him, but only pulled her shirt down and she was wearing a sports bra..when i found that out, i broke up with him immediately.i was so upset because i felt like all of this was so overwhelming and i have NO tolerance for cheating.we are somewhat back together, although not officially.i have lost so much trust for him, but i still love him.another issue that was brought up.. strip clubs.i guess this could seem dumb but somehow it came up in one our conversations and i asked him if he would go to one and he said, even if he wanted to, he couldnt.and maybe im being way too controlling but that answer upset me because honestly, i want a guy that doesnt even want to go, not just because im holding him back.is that too much to ask?im so confused about how i feel because i feel like im making some moral and trust into to big of a deal.its hard for me to imagine what my life would be like without him because of all the litte things i adore about him.do you think this issue will escalate in the future? I just want general advice about any of it.Thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta  +, writes (2 October 2008):
 i'll bite,
Why the crap are you sitll with him and seeing this guy and don't give me that " because i love him and he's a wonderful person" crap because clearly he don't love you and he's not wonderful.
Again you'e yet another women who appears to love being treated like crap.
advice :
Leave him for good, grow a set of balls, stop being a door mat or become a nun.
I'm sorry but you can't so bitching and whining about a problem when you yourself aren't helping with.
A
female
reader, jstar92 +, writes (2 October 2008):
 Don't worry about feeling too controlling. A lot of women would feel how you feel in your situation. Women don't want to be told about possible things that would make us jealous.
Regarding what he did during your break-up... He probably didn't do the right thing by sleeping with someone else but you have to remember that in his mind you two weren't together, and as it was early on in the relationship, he probably wasn't sure what he wanted in terms of a relationship at the time. And the flashing thing...some boys will still be boys in the early stages.
Maybe it's right to say the jealousy gets the better of you? Don't worry about this either, many people are the same but they just won't admit it because they don't want to give their partner the satisfaction.
Hopefully over time as your relationship matures you will get less and less of these feelings, if not then maybe it just won't work out, maybe you just need someone who, once in a relationship remains faithful and won't sleep with someone else the minute you two break up.
And it sounds like it would be hard to trust him but if you really want to make a go of it *forgive and forget* and just keep on going, over time things should start to settle in to themselves.
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